Sunday
Jan312010
Forever Seventeen
January 31, 2010 * * * * * Posted by: Marcie 
With nothing but a backpack over her shoulder and a pocket full of plans. A moment captured. Somewhere between the dreamy innocence of childhood and the harsh truths of a grown up life. Knowing nothing. Not who she is..or who she will be. Searching. For her self ..her voice... her becoming. Setting off on her own journey. She begins.
Just seventeen.
A carefully crafted blueprint is what she carries. A constructed plan. A book of instructions. A map of straight and narrow roads to follow. A compass to put her back on track in the event that she might find herself turned in the wrong direction. The voices of others repeating themselves in her head. And a single simple mirror to reflect back and to remind her.
Timetables….schedules….deadlines. Always something important to do..somewhere urgent to go…someplace elsewhere to be. Forever in search of the pot of gold at the end of that rainbow. Forever in search of she.
A world holding its breath. A life waiting. The college degree..the profession..the marriage..the kids. A life fulfilled…and fulfilling. Time passing. A few wrong turns..a couple of detours..and an occasional dead-end. That road map is no use to her now. Life’s instructions are nothing other than words that fill a tired old book. And that carefully crafted blueprint is – right before her very eyes - slowly fading. There is no pot of gold at the end of each rainbow…and no one else’s voice ringing in her head. The mirror is all that she still carries. It’s all that remains.
No longer seventeen.
With an empty backpack and pockets without plans. Caught. Somewhere in the middle of her very adult-world responsibilities and still wishing on her childhood star. A found inner compass. A new sense of self. A growing strength. With only her mirror’s reflection answering her questioning gaze. A quiet whisper..almost inaudible to those passing by. She begins again.
Filled with questions…with self-doubt..with fear that sometimes paralyzes. She is learning to breathe..to sit with the discomfort..to believe. Often confusing and always a surprise…her inner compass has became her eternal companion and guide. Altho not the paths she imagined she’d follow..the crooked ones have become her new friends.
A trail of new dreams. Without any real goals or absolute destinations. In this moment. No longer needing to know where it is she is going...and yet knowing that she must go. Learning to trust in herself and her voice. Learning to listen. Daring to be heard… and to be seen. The mirror’s ever-changing reflection a constant reminder of who she is. Always becoming.
Forever seventeen.
Reader Comments (18)
Learning to trust ones decisions and choices is the best we can learn ourself and our children. beautifully written Marcie!
finding out that those passionate, best laid plans of innocent girlhood are big lies told to us by fairy tales is a series of heart breaks that's difficult to bear, well said, Marcie!!!
In other words, Marcie, when we get to a certain age we find out that no one else can take the Journey for us, right? And no one else's Journey will be exactly like ours. There may be guidelines or blueprints that appear useful but if we're real and "forever seventeen," we will color outside the lines! There's a wistful melancholy here in your words. Something about taking responsibility for our own lives and learning about the challenges and blessings of being fully engaged, regardless of the outcome. Your image is perfect for these pondering thoughts. I love it.
Very simply...I find a certain sadness in this post. Or as Ginnie said "wistful melancholy." Much to ponder...
this post rings true for so many of us. we end up where we are and it is what it is. love the image and written words.
echoing Margie, it is what it is and adding that knowing my internal compass rarely points me in the wrong direction is comforting ...
beautiful post Marcie. Thank you
Always becoming. Yes. I love that. It never stops, there are always unexpected paths, and yet, we keep on, always becoming. Always. Love this.
This post made me cry for my own daughter who will be embarking on her own life journey very soon. I wish I could always protect her. I wish I could spare her the detours and the dead ends I know will be come. But it's not possible and it's not life. I just hope that everything I taught her will be used to her advantage.
yes, that transition to adulthood and independence carries with it many feelings, emotions, and decisions. She'll do well.
Unless we intentionally decide to give up, this is the story of our lives. It's that wish...that dream...that unknown desire which keeps us going. It must be a terrible thing to live a perfect life,having made all the right choices. If I don't look in the mirror, I can run with the best of them. Farmergal
"Learning to trust in herself and her voice. Learning to listen." Important words for each of us to remember. I've told you this before, but I'm saying it again...you have a gift, my friend. :)
i never have had anything like a compass or a blueprint for my life. it has been messy let me tell you. somewhere in between the two is what would have probably made for a good life. one filled with surprises yet grounded in the firm earth of self control. i love your photograph. it tells a story all on it's own. your process is one that many woman can relate to.
xo
What to add? I don't know, it is what it is
Marcie, that was remarkable. A mood and spirit very well captured. WOW
It's such an in between time. My son is 17. In one breath, he can't wait to be all grown up and out on his own. The next breath, he wishes to be "just a kid," blissfully unaware of the heavy responsibilities that are starting to come his way.
Me -- I'm the same. In one breath I'm so excited for his next steps, and admiring the young man he is becoming. The next breath, I'm wanting to hang on to him for dear life, and let him be my baby for just one more night.
Oh Marcie, what a beautiful and thoughtful post!
you captured it marcie...mine is sitting right across the way as I type this
oh this touches a chord marcie...read it, will need to read again. it makes me think through all those years too...following my own blueprint, sometimes on top of all things, sometimes a crash and burn. i don't always make the habit of looking back over it all...but sometimes it all floods out. i love this post.