Sunday
Feb142010
Una Festa delle Madri
February 14, 2010 * * * * * Posted by: Marcie 
We come thru them. We bond. We attach. We connect. In our rocky adolescence we fight against their old-fashioned and outdated beliefs. We differentiate and separate. We resent them for who they are..and always love them for being exactly that. We dream of becoming just like them..and fear that that’s exactly who we’ve become. Once we were daughters only. Now we are mothers to those daughters we once were.
As our mothers’ daughters we were raised to be seen and not heard. As our daughters’ mothers we are – perhaps – to be heard, but rarely to be seen. Not with them in their lives. Not in public for certain. After a lifetime of being the drivers of their cars, we find ourselves relegated to the back seat. We learn to speak only when spoken to, and offer our sage advice only when asked. We learn to tread softly, to wear beige, to blend into the backgrounds of our daughters’ days.
We find ourselves, surprisingly and unexpectedly, slipping and sliding into our mother’s well-worn shoes. We begin to see and understand from the other side.
‘Questa è la mia mamma’ – my daughter said in her impeccable Italian as she introduced me to her new friends. 'This is my mom.' Instinctively, my first thoughts were to apologize for intruding in their lives and upon their space. My intention was not to call any sort attention to myself, but to simply and silently observe. From where I came, being someone’s mother was worthy only of a polite and respectful handshake and certainly nothing more. My experiences taught me that mothers were all fine and good as long as they weren’t too much in their daughter’s faces. Imagine my surprise when I was greeted with embraces that were warm and genuine, with kisses planted one to each cheek , and a heartfelt ‘welcome to our humble abode’.
‘La nostra casa è la sua.’ Our house is yours. Come in..come in. Please..please - make yourself at home. This was so different from how I’d been greeted in my world and life. Such a wonderful surprise.
‘La mia mamma sta qui per vedermi’ – my daughter explained as the owner and chef of the restaurant presented the day’s extraordinary offerings. I looked bewildered and puzzled, unable to make sense of what he was saying. ‘My mother is visiting me and doesn't understand’ – she explained.
He nodded his head in acknowledgement with a new found appreciation. ‘La tua mamma!!!’ And with those words disappeared only to return with a single pink rose. ‘Per Lei'. For you – he offered. In honor and celebration of being a mother, and for no better or other reason than that.
Aaah Italy...
A land whose customs and traditions are so different from the ones that I know. La dolce vita. A sweet life. A simple life. One that moves at a slower pace. Where people take their time to savor the ordinary and everyday.. Good food…good wine..good company. A country that is rooted in the riches of the fertile soil and its religious tradition, and decorated in ancient art. Colors that take your breath away. A people and culture that celebrate the mother figure, just because she is who she is. A woman. One who bears and raises the children..who feeds..who nurtures…who gives life.
There are moments that shift. Experiences that change and transform, that find you suddenly seeing yourself and your relationships in another light. It doesn’t change the century’s old dance – the push/pull…the battle for both intimacy and autonomy..the desperate need to be connected and separate all at once and the same time. As both my mother’s daughter and my daughter’s mother – I was reminded that all mothers everywhere are to be honored.
Una fest delle Madri. A celebration of mothers. For no particular reason. Just because…
Reader Comments (14)
A wonderful story of motherhood, mothers, and the relationships we have with them and as mothers to our own children. A celebration of mothers...just because - I like that...not because Hallmark says we should celebrate, but just because. Well done, Marcie.
This is beautiful. Celebrate motherhood, just because. It sounds like we could take a lesson.
And that photo is one of my favorites. Someday I will go there, to that Italy in your photos... a long unfulfilled dream :)
I can only join the other in saying. A celebration of mothers just because! That is a very good cause to celebrate :-) A beautiful post and those images from Italy are favorites all of them.
Do you know how good it is to read this on a day OTHER than Mother's Day, Marcie! Thank you. They say the hardest relationship in the world is the mother-daughter relationship. I believe it. One minute I'm her best friend. The next I'm someone she doesn't like or understand! You have so perfectly described something we all know, we who have daughters and have been daughters ourselves. You have also so beautifully described the differnce a culture can make. It sounds like we all should get a good dose of Italy every once in awhile!
oh wow, you make me want to move to italy!! i want a rose, i want good company, good food, a good life at a good pace... you SHOULD feel honored as a mother, me, i never had the courage to have a child, i don't have the health for it... i regret that now, whereas before it was just an accomplished fact that didn't bother me, but as i age, i'm sure i will regret it more and more. Lovely writing Marcie!!
You series of images from Italy give the viewer into a more intimate look into the beauty of the country; not the typical tourist photos. Today's accompanying story give an intimate peak into the culture of the country. Again, not the typical insight a tourist would gain. I think perhaps your relationship with your daughter must have played a wonderful role in making your trip truly unique and special. Thank you for sharing this with us. Bravo!
How beautiful. I just told my husband to read this. It's beautiful. It's a celebration of motherhood that we should adopt here. It makes me want to raise a glass. Viva Italia.
beautiful post! love your Italy pictures. Where in Italy is it?
A beautiful tribute to all Mother,s and to our daughters and sons.
i so enjoyed your
italy photo series ...I guess i did not remember you were there visiting your daughter...savor is the word that jumps out of your writing...life and especially mothers.
Beautifully said. Your writing is as captivating as your photography.... It touches me.
what a beautiful post, makes me smile. i grew up without a mother, forged ahead with my own 'blueprint' that i made up along the way. without realising it, i adopted everyone else's mothers...i still do i think :). this may sound silly, but i think even without the references to language, or italy in the text, i would have known where you were. its how i always imagined italy would be, that love for family and mothers is, for me, just as you write.
I like this post a lot. :-)
Marcie, you have a talent for taking me away and making me think deeply, all at the same time. Thank you.