Sunday
May232010
My Space
May 23, 2010 * * * * * Posted by: Marcie 
The ground sits solid and firm beneath my feet. The sky stretches limitless before me. The birds sing to me their morning song. As I reach towards it, the sun meets and greets and starts my day. My dog lies quietly at my feet..the rhythm of my steady breath softly soothing.
My space. My practice. Whether it be on my mat..or behind my camera’s lens – it’s something I do every day. It’s what grounds and inspires. It’s what takes me out of my thinking mind..and into the quiet of my body.
After a weekend of ‘showing’ my ‘work’ and being on exhibition – I find comfort in the familiarity of my solitary routines. It’s over. I can return and retreat to my internal life…where there is nothing and no one to please or impress…no great stories I need to tell….no people wanting entertaining. Altho I enjoy the company of others..I revel in my time alone.
Sitting here at my computer - I am surrounded by the show’s remains. Photographs – carefully printed and mounted. Notecards – most of which were sold. A sign-in/guest book where visitors wherein visitors were invited to write and comment in. By all counts and measures – my participation in this year’s Open Studios was a huge success. And yet – I’m left worn out and depleted. Practice is one thing. Performance is something else.
For some – an event such as this is invigorating..stimulating..energizing. For me – a someone who prefers to remain hidden behind my camera’s lens – I find ‘coming out’ and ‘being seen’ overwhelming and exhausting. I’m not a one who thrives on being that leading lady. I’m much more at ease in that supporting role…the one who sits behind the camera….the one who gets to show up without having to stand up and take that final bow. My camera excuses me from all of the necessary and obligatory social graces. It legitimizes and gives reason to my disappearing. It allows me to observe from a distance..to witness and record…to be entirely present without having to say a single word. Putting myself out in those bright lights can be more than a little daunting. In fact – it can be downright intimidating and often scary.
I did do it…which is something. I managed to show up at my own party..as challenging as it was. Every once in awhile I have to push myself above and beyond my comfort zone..and out of my oh-so-comfortable chair. Each time I put my pictures on parade and exhibition it gets a little easier. Every time I put myself out there like this the internal self-doubt and questioning lessens itself and quiets down.
I’m sure I’ll do it again. Like so many of the other things I do in life – each time is easier than the last. The lessons I learn on my mat..I apply to my life. To find that sacred space and hold it- sometimes in a new and somewhat uncomfortable position or pose. I’ve taught myself to breathe thru it. Slow. Steady. Even. My mind is not my body. It’s not ‘me’ that’s up for ‘view’ and ‘critique’ ..but my ‘work’. They are one and the same…and yet - they can be totally and completely separate.
Day after day – I roll out my mat..reach for my camera and its trusty lens. In those single solitary moments – I feel what I feel..I see what I see. It is within that quiet and silent space that I find myself. Free to be.
Reader Comments (22)
Absolutely lovely sunset image. The blues and golds are stunning.
You are a wonderful artist, so I am sure your shows are very enjoyable for others. With time, they will probably be enjoyable to you also! Sometimes we have to push past that comfort zone.
Marcie, between the lines I read that the exhibition was a great success and I am so glad for you.
Your story could be my story, I love doing things, creating things, for myself, for others, but please don't put me in the spotlight, I feel uncomfortable.
However your work is of such high quality, you should get some confidence out of that and practice makes the master....even going in front of a big audience.
Good luck for the next one, you will feel better.
Coming home and being able to have 'me time' is survival, I am glad you have that and that fabulous sky.
love the successful show, Marcie, i'm a loner too, and that would have scared the heck outta me, totally know what you mean... but i wish i was talented enuff to do it one day... just to say 'i came, i saw, i conquered' lol... bravo to you my friend!!!
Congrats on the successful exhibition! I know exactly the feeling, that is why I focus on the doing, rather than the exhibiting. In 2005 I had 2 exhibitions in a row, which (as I found out afterwards) took away my painting-joy for half a year. Now I am on my guard and only do the exhibitions I like, because I never ever want that to happen again. Moving out of your comfort zone once in a while, is good and worthwhile doing, but make sure it doesn't interfere with your photography-joy
I have no clue what a personal photography exhibition would be like, Marcie...the time, the effort, the energy, the excitement, the disappointment, the expectation, the success. I have, however, been in several speaking situations in my life that seem to parallel what you have so beautifully written here. In my own situation I learned that the audience often energizes us...especially when they are 'with' us and are having those AHA moments. I have also learned that you need to throw out the highest and lowest evaluations to get at the truth of your work.
I am so proud of your success. It doesn't surprise me one bit; I expected it. But I sure am glad to hear of it from your own lips. You sound like more of an internal than an external personality. That part does surprise me.... :) I'm a bit of both, so I understand and appreciate it. Thanks for such a beautiful post.
I congratulate you on your success Marcie. Your words today could have been written by me. Perhaps not as eloquently put but anyhow :-)
I have just finished a book by Lee Ann Lambert called Living introverted (learning to embrace the quiet life without guilt) Reading it was an eyeopener as I realized that I have been an introvert my whole life and that 3 of my kids are the same. We sure can socialize but we thrive in solitude and also need it to be fulfilled.
I use photography to be in my own place and that makes me feel good and gives me strength to cope with other things.
Thank you for your nice words today Marcie!
ps.these wrist splints works very well :-)
you did it .. and it sounds as if it went well .. i am much the same way .. yet I have a very "out there" job .. you reminded me today that both ways that I am are OK the sun will rise and fill the sky
Just one more way in which we are so much alike! It's hard sometimes to step out of our comfort zone, but so necessary for growth as an individual. Good for you for taking that step, the results of which were a successful show. Now...I think I need to get a yoga mat...
I really like the image that's going with your post, Marcie. I'm an introvert kind of girl too and so afraid of getting out my comfort zone. I've never had an exhibition of my works - should I ever have one I'm afraid I'd have a panic attack! :) But we learn a lot when we manage to expose ourselves. I know because I was so afraid when you asked me to write for V&V, but now I'm so happy I've met you and all the wonderful ladies around here!
Huge congrats on your success!
Oh how wonderful it must be to have a piece of Marcie's art! Congratulations Marcie, you can take that bow in private if you want:)
exactly! this is perfect! i would love to sit down with you over coffee one day.
Beautiful image, Marcie. The more I read from you, the more I think we are kindred spirits. :-) I've heard the term "rich inner life" and I like to think that that's what I have. Like you, I've been consciously trying to push myself beyond my comfort zone. But, as you've said, it can be "overwhelming and exhausting" and so I try to honor my need to retreat and recharge after participating in people-intensive situations. Your photographs are exquisite and I suspect you will be showing up to many more parties thrown in your honor. Congratulations on your success!
Oh Marcie, do I ever connect with you on this one. I'm in the middle of the preparation stage. I will give the art festival tour a whirl this summer, first year, and see how it goes. I like the preparing part, eager to see how the "on stage" part goes.
But I do so need some time out. I get that with my camera nearly every day, but sometimes I simply need to go out with nothing. Just my feet hitting the ground, connecting over and over. That is the part I find hard to fit in my day.
beautiful picture. breathtaking.
i love your last paragraph and in particular the "free to be" statement. i too am a lover of my "me" time. i crave being alone. the quiet and just me to see to. maybe it's because i'm a stay at home mom, constantly surrounded by my boys and hubby. now that hubby works nights, he is home during the day time... my "me" time. so i find it harder and harder to find that quietness. but find it i do. and i treasure it.
i can only hope that one day my work will be on display as yours was. it will be very hard for me to step out there. there isn't anything i dislike talking about more than myself ;) but i can see that stepping out of my comfort zone is going to be important to the process of "making something of myself."
That is such an inspirational posts Marcie!! I so want to give you a big hug and congratulate you with the successful exhibition!! You go girl! Hard as it is though you managed it. I can so imagine how hard it must have been. But good one!
The picture is an oasis of serenity and a feast to watch, those colours are stunning! What a sky, and you know the words, don't you?
The sky is the limit!!!!!!!!!
It's difficult to add much to the "congrats" and "you go girl" comments left by others. Just know that I join with a hardy "here here!"
I feel so many of us do our "art" for internal, personal reasons and certainly NOT for accolades, or with a primary purpose of putting ourselves "out there."
My music career was certainly "out there." I found myself comfortable while on stage, but very uncomfortable when having the after concert conversations. What should I say after the "thank you" was my biggest problem.
Isn't it interesting how so many of us are relatively introverted individuals? I am at my best "one on one." :)
As trite as it sounds -- great post and great image! Thank you...for being YOU!
Thank you! You speak for me--and so beautifully! I just showed a few of my pieces and am preparing for a small, solo show.
Beautiful. That image takes my breath away. And I so get what you are saying. At each jewelry show, it is still much the same. The being "on" all day, the socializing, the feeling like I am on display along with my pieces. It is exhausting for me. But, yes, just as you say, it is also rewarding. It is good to stretch beyond your comfort zone, good to expand your horizons. You did it. We do it. Even when it makes us uncomfortable, we do it. And we find ourselves later, slightly different, with a new view to take in, a new picture of who we are, and of the world, around us.
Congratulations! It is interesting to read about something I can't imagine doing. I suspect I will someday and then I will come back and read this post and say, "Ah, she said it so well."
well done you, and i'm sure amongst the relief is also satisfaction that it all went so well. getting out there is tough isn't it, putting yourself out for others to see, others to comment on, critique, etc etc...not easy at all. but it sounds like it was fabulous!!! :)
What I know about shows...is that I don't any thing about shows. I know the emptiness of the following days, and the attempts to refocus on the next work. The most valuable impressions occur on the drive home. best...jerry
so wonderfully put, marcie ...
being creative in your own space is so personal ...
and to put it 'out there' is so so so well, almost naked like!
i feel those feelings a great deal and so want to run and hide ...
until the next person asks ... and then it's 'ok' and away i go ...
to feel naked again but somehow robed afterwards in a nice glow to have shared
and given something of yourself to others ...
wow.
k.
sorry to get carried away!
i really want to say thank you so much for visiting
and for your lovely comments ~
and i love your 'space'
xo
prairiegirl