Thursday
Jun242010
Dear Gull
June 24, 2010 
What a glorious day it is!! I love it when the sun shines and I feel her soft and warming beams gently touch my head and shoulders. That is so similar to how my wife used to put her hand on my head and stroke my hair. Sometimes that gave me goosebumps. Do you get goosebumps, gull? Or are they called gullbumps in your case?Anyway, never mind. I am glad you liked the bread crumbs I just gave you. ... All left overs you know, breakfast left-overs. I can't seem to enjoy my breakfast as much as I used to now I have to eat it all alone. We used to eat breakfast together, my wife and I, and every morning she'd set the table, even after our children had left the nest. I once said that she didn't have to bother, not for me alone, but she got all grumpy then, and told me that she DID want to bother, especially for me alone. Sweet isn't it? Now how do you handle that, gull? You have an empty nest all over again, every single year! My wife couldn't handle that very well. She was such a caring woman, always! Nothing was too much to ask, and she did her fair share of community services as well after the children were gone.
I couldn't be bothered you know. The other day my son told me that I should join some society in the community center, but I can't bring myself to do that. I hate playing cards or playing pool with other old guys! Do you know what we used to say to each other, gull? My wife and I? We promised one another that after my retirement we would start traveling. So many places to see, so many cultures to explore, we were so looking forward to it. An incredible pile of brochures we collected, and we nearly narrowed down our perfect choice for a motor home and then it happened gull. Out of the blue. Just like that. On a warm sunny day, like today.
The funeral was beautiful, can't say otherwise. Lovely flowers, lovely speeches, and the music she loved so dearly. But it felt like it was someone else sitting there, shaking hands and accepting condolences of people I hadn't seen in years or never before, but apparently were family. I also should not have let the children have their way and just have burried her instead of that awful cremation. I wanted a place to go to. Is not going to happen, gull. Nothing left. But as my son said: 'It was very convenient not having to maintain a grave'. Do you ever see your children again, gull, after they fly out?
The home is wonderful, that is what my son says. I get a wake up call every morning, my breakfast is shoved into my room and I can sit at my tiny table for two, looking out of the 4th story window, and just see the tops of the trees in the park. Same thing at lunchtime and in the evening, when supper arrives. You have to be in bed by 11 p.m. gull, to 'not disturb the others' and not overwork the evening shift of care takers. In between all your meals every hour one of those pops in, asks if you are alright, and if you gasp for breath to give an answer has already left again. When that happens I get angry sometimes gull, I hate that lack of personal touch, I miss her so much! No, I don't want to cry.... so sorry about that.....
Oh, .....so sorry, did I scare you that you took off, gull?
......... ..........
It was nice talking to you, safe flight.
Reader Comments (8)
Ohhhhh. I have tears in my eyes, Marion. I worked two years in assisted living and have first-hand experience of the stories like this. There is so much that can be done to help alleviate the loneliness of our seniors, if they are willing to receive the tender, loving care (TLC)...and if there are those willing to give it. This part of our population is growing, I'm afraid, as we're learning ways to live longer. I wonder sometimes if we really know what we're doing? Thanks for your touching post with matching perfect image. Thanks for the reminder there are those within our reach crying out for TLC.
Me too - I'm sitting here crying. Such a poignant story of real life aging and loneliness. So beautifully said and illustrated!!!
Yes, tears. You really touched a soft spot, I am watching my parents age, and while they are not yet at that point, you start to think about all of this. And really the same thing could happen at any age and it is so important to cherish the people you love every day, for just that reason. Thanks for reminding me of that, like gets busy and then I forget sometimes.
oops, life gets busy...
This is exactly the reason I wish my mom lived closer to me, but she likes where she lives and has friends close by. One of these days I'll talk her into moving closer...are you reading this Mom??
Well done, Marion. Perfect image to accompany your touching story.
Oh my...this is MY FATHER. Oh, he has friends and he does get out. But every time I talk with him he says "You just don't know how lonely it is. I miss her so much." Like Toni I wish he were closer, but that's not truly the answer either.
Such a poignant post.
marion . the " conversation " style for this piece was so effective and very touching... thank you for sharing this
good post ! lovely picture (lost for more words)