Sunday
Aug222010
On Pleasing All the People All the Time
August 22, 2010 * * * * * Posted by: Ginnie 
It can't be done, of course, but why does it take some of us so dang long to figure out!
Repetition aside, I was born into a preacher's home, #3 of 8 kids, where everything we did was under scrutiny of Dad's congregation and community (or so he thought). There were many things we were not allowed to do because we were preacher's kids. What would people think! Add to that the #3 positioning and I became what John Bradshaw calls a Golden Child in my family. I did everything right. I was a people pleaser. [I wasn't dumb!]
First, I studied hard and was Salutatorian of my high school class. I graduated from the well-respected Univerity of Michigan. Then I became a missionary-linguist to a tribal group in Peru whose language had not yet been written. After coming back home to marry Bill, we worked in a ministry to college students for 16 years. It was all like clockwork. Doing what everyone expected from me. High up on a pedestal. Beaming people all around.
Then I fell from grace. Kaboom. After 21 years of a good marriage, Bill and I divorced because my being gay just wasn't going away, no matter how hard I tried. So we did the right and fair thing for each other...but in the process, the Golden Child became Humpty-Dumpty who fell off the wall and couldn't be put back together again, at least not in the same way.
When Preacher Dad found out, sister Nancy told me he nearly had a heart attack. Immediately, and without giving it a second's thought, I exclaimed to her, "Shame on him!" Instinctively I knew in that moment that if anyone in the world should have been there for me, it would have been my preacher dad who supposedly knew about the love and grace of Almighty God! But I shocked myself. Did I say that? Suddenly I knew I was figuring it out. You cannot please all the people all the time, not even the ones you love the most.
So the Journey began. The Journey of being me, myself and I, no matter what people thought. I was 45.
Now fast forward. When I first started posting my images on Shutterchance 4 years ago, I had no clue what I was doing. I had never taken a photography course and barely knew how to use my camera other than to point and shoot and upload my pictures. Within the first two weeks I received a couple comments that "criticised" what I had done. I was so devasted I almost quit. Thankfully, I DIDN'T but swallowed hard and paid attention to what was being critiqued.
What I have discovered, however, good critisms and critiques notwithstanding, is that photography, like life, is something where you simply CANNOT please all the people all the time. "It's too dark. I don't like how you cropped it. You shouldn't have cut off the top. It would look better in color. I don't like your texture." Etc., etc.
I am learning to curb my tongue, graciously accepting the "opinions" of others, even if I don't agree with them. I don't say "shame on you," nor do I even wince that much anymore. I do better if the criticism isn't harsh, but the older I get, the more I pay attention to what daughter Amy told me when I started: "Mom, it's YOUR blog and you can do whatever you want!"
Having said that, I still die for at least some of you appreciating my images! [I'm not dumb!] How's that for climbing back up on the pedestal wall! :)
Reader Comments (19)
I have been growing up with Mills, being Dutch. You made an ode to mills in general with this photo Ginnie, the sepia does them right.
It's true...you can't please all of the people all of the time..but standing up for yourself and being who you truly needed to be..and being honest and straight and clear - must have been the hardest thing in the world. Especially and in light of knowing your father would disapprove.
Compared to that - any photography critique (I would think) should be easy...:-)!!!
And - your photos are always lovely.
Love your candor...your wit. Wonderful post!!!
I admire your openness and think you are an example to many. Love the processing of this image, it looks a 100 years old
Yes, this could be a postcard you picked up in an antique shop in Amsterdam.
Lady Jane, you are maybe the strongest person I know. I think we were all jealous of you, golden girl. And when you came out, and I watched how Mom and Dad responded, it was heartbreaking. You are absolutely right, that if the church and Christianity are worth anything, THIS was when you needed them the most. It is supposed to be about love. Well, there's no doubt you were loved, but they didn't know how to love you through that. You have been tempered and made stronger and more confident, but also you have a tender and warm heart. All of that comes through your work, and I'm so proud of you, golden girl. (Love the wall/pedestal metaphor.)
I so admire your strength and courage. I think our age and backgrounds are similar, and I can imagine how challenging it was for you to wrestle with your sexuality; especially given that you had children. From what I see (translate "read"), you have handled these challenges with dignity and grace. I personally believe that God is a loving God, not a judging God. We are saved by GRACE --- His grace. And, you are so right. "We can't please ALL the people ALL the time."
So, your photograph is WONDERFUL. I love the processing choice.
When I view paintings or sculpture, read poems or go to a movie, view ballet or any stage performance I ALWAYS try to remember the phrase "artistic license." While certain rules are commonly accepted in any art-form, the artist truly becomes an ARTIST when they make the work their own by putting their personal touch on the piece. As a viewer, I like some artists better than others but that doesn't make the ones I don't care for have lesser value.
Regarding "critique" -- I think some individuals need a lesson on how to give constructive criticism! You are so correct in simply ignoring some of the critique one receives. I sometimes pay as much attention as to what is NOT said as to what is said. ;)
Keep doing what you are doing! Your work is wonderful! I love reading your posts!
Hey Ginnie..... beautiful photo, wonderful post. I have always thought, that along with so many other factors, birth order plays a big role in shaping our personalities as we grow up. There are certainly alot of challenges in finding our true selves....to you I say well done.
Ginnie, I love you candor. Life is promised to have challenges, pitfalls, heartaches, disappointments and et al. You have shown courage and by climbing that wall again, you show persistence and a strength that we can all emulate. I just love your windmills too.
You already know what I think!!! You are one of the heroine women. Doing the right thing.
xo
You are so right, we cannot please people all the time and taking criticism is difficult, but than it also needs to be said, it is how the criticism is given.
To me you always have been a trooper, so optimistic, so upbeat, you know what you want and you get what you want......
Of course we all like to have a pat on the shoulder that we do good, but than we won't die if we don't get one, it only makes us more determined to work harder.
Amy is right, it is YOUR BLOG....you can do whatever you like and if they don't like it.....there is always a next time.....
A wonderful post, I love your words and you deserve all the comments so far, mijn kleine muis.
It is very moving to read these reflections about your life and I really admire your struggle for self-discovery and self-realisation- yes, we have the right to be ourselves, to think and to feel for ourselves (I like to follow the philosopher Kant: sapere aude- dare to think (and to feel and to love I would like adding). I very like the most of your photos and I very like your thoughts you often are combining with your photography and your warm -personal replies. I feel that in some, but some other way you are still the preacher's daughter struggling for humanity, friendliness, beauty ..., in our world and in our togetherness and confessing openly your way of life. I'm convinced we cannot shed off all 'skins' we got by nature, by education, and experiences - I wished we could finally live reconciled with our former experiences and the persons who joined and influenced us on our way of life. Your wise daughter (she is really your daughter) is absolutely right, and I see you are following her life motto! Ga door!
So so very true. I also have adopted that thinking that it's my blog and I'll post the photos I love, photos that make me happy. Take it or leave it :D
Hey, not only do I appreciate your photos, I love love love them. Forever a fan!
I admire your brave decision. I have a motto 'always be true to yourself' and sometimes that involves making difficult choices. I believe it is the only way for me and the lives I touch along the way to be happy in the long term. As you say you can't please everyone but I think most people respect the honesty.
Well first of all I LOVE that photo. I adore windmills, and you have given that picture the perfect tone and mood.
I think women tend to be people pleasers in general, some of us more than others, but I also think that we learn, as we get older, that we have to please ourselves, too.
You are brave and strong AND a great photographer. Sometimes criticism helps us and makes us improve and sometimes it is just other people's baggage...and theirs to carry.
Great post.
Oh Ginnie, what a story. No, you can't always please everyone, and the important thing is that you are okay with what you're doing. I LOVE this photo of the windmill, it has such an atmosphere, if you know what I mean. The clouds building up, the wind in the trees - there's some storm brewing!
And I think more than some of us appreciate all of the work you put into these images.. That's is so odd about this posting, as I was thinking about your life progressions yesterday in fact and thinking of you and how fun a trip to the flower garden would be or anywhere else for that matter. For me it's a time to slow down and see things even more through your eyes!
But one thing that still stuns me is your ability to get so many photos processed!
But Ginnie, you cut off the top of the windmill! Ha!! :D I'm just kidding - it's a fabulous photo and I love the processing you chose for it. I always try to appreciate each artists vision for their work, because after all, it is their vision and not mine. You do quite well for yourself, Ginnie.
There is such a love fest here for you, Ginnie, and it's because you speak/write from your heart, without holding back. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you, denying who you were for so long. But no more!! You go girl!
I am a Huge Fan Ginnie Hart :)
In this life it is important that whatever choices we make, are the ones that WE make and only then can we truly be happy.
Ginnie you know I admire you as a person who follows hear heart and your images are my favorites.
Breaking the people-pleasing habit is a difficult one. I'm glad you learned to follow your heart, even when it didn't necessarily please everyone. I was abruptly broken of the habit as soon as I became a manager in a large corporation. The circumstances made it impossible to please everyone in 360 degree direction within the company, let alone the customers and stock holders. In the end, you have to do what you feel in your heart what is right.
As for your Humpty Dumpty analogy. I have an image of a beautiful Easter egg decoupaged with art papers and layers of varnish holding it all together. More beautiful and richer than ever.