Sunday
Sep122010
Days of Awe
September 12, 2010 * * * * * Posted by: Marcie 
In my Judaic religion - it is that time of year known as the high holy days. It begins with Rosh Hashanah – the Jewish new year..and ends 10 days later with Yom Kippur – the day of atonement.
Altho I would not consider myself to be religious by any stretch of anyone’s imagination..I did grow up in a family and community where tradition reigned and ruled. These holidays were marked both by prayer and by large family gatherings all centered around the meal. Apples were passed around the table and dipped in honey. The apple – a symbol of life’s endless cycle and nature’s ability to renew and restore. The honey – a part of the wish for a sweet new year. My grandmother’s house - where we all convened - filled my senses. The sound of family. The comforting and familiar tastes and smells of chicken soup and brisket… fresh baked challah …and always of sweet wine.
On Rosh Hashanah we eat and celebrate. On Yom Kippur we fast and atone. On Rosh Hashanah we go to synagogue and pray for our names to be inscribed in a book that will determine our destiny. Who will live. Who will die. Who will suffer. And who will not. On Yom Kippur we return to synagogue and make our final plea for forgiveness for all of our human transgressions and sins. It is on this day – the solemnest of all days - that the book is said to be sealed..our fate determined and fixed.
As a child – I celebrated these holidays as a part of my family. It’s what we all did in our community...at this time of year. Altho the hours spent in synagogue were trying for an impatient young child..they held a certain sense of security..in their familiar annual ritual and rite. Generations of families – year after year – seated together. Women on the right. Men on the left. Babies grew into children..children into adults..adults returning with children of their own…and sadly and always – the empty chairs.
As a questioning adolescent – I began to challenge the beliefs and what they were about. Hours spent in prayer..listening and partaking in the ancient melodies – lost their place for me in my world.
As a skeptical young adult – I found myself with no need for such kind of ‘organization’. Without it all – the world would be a happier place.
With the arrival of my own children – I returned. Upholding the traditions – both religious and familial. Offering them up what I had experienced. Perhaps – providing a foundation from which they might someday choose. Perhaps – hoping that by doing so..I would be somehow anchoring them in this faith and assuring myself and my forebearers of the continuation of our people.
Now at this certainly uncertain age – I find myself looking inwards..asking what it means to me. No longer that good obedient child..nor that rebellious teenager and cynical young adult. No longer needing to do it for my children. It’s time now – to choose for myself…to decide what parts I want to keep and what parts I need to discard.
Recently – I came upon the concept of these days being ‘Days of Awe’. Perhaps it is an ancient concept..but it is one that is new to me. Days of introspection..of looking inwards. Days of re-assesement and re-evaluation. Who do I want to be? What? And how do I want to spend my days? What kinds of relationships do I want..do I need? And – how is it that I can make them happen? And more importantly – how do I stay true to myself…my own journey and path and direction?
I arrive here with no good answers. Only questions. At this age sandwiched between the generation that came before me..and the one that follows – I am faced with defining my life..my beliefs..and my own personal spirituality in my own way. And I suppose when I think about it – acknowledging the ‘not knowing’ is a first step..and a big one.
For now and today – I simply look to the light….and trust and believe that whatever it’ll be…it’ll be my own..and perfectly all right.
Reader Comments (22)
that is one beautiful cloud party there, love the gradient colors in it a lot. great work the photowise
This awe...I wonder, Marcie, if it's the path we all are called to walk, regardless of religious heritage?! Your experience sounds so similar to mine, as though we came from the same family. The way you have pondered it and watched it grow inside of you is the awe for me. I find myself wanting to see a movie of your life, as though it were my own...one I could relate to. I am suddenly reminded of one of my favorite movies of all time, Yentl, and how the ending of it is what I think you're saying here: "For now and today – I simply look to the light….and trust and believe that whatever it’ll be…it’ll be my own..and perfectly all right." Methinks this is the secret and mystery of spirituality. Thank you for expressing it so well!
makes me think of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2OO3vuk3r4&feature=related
Hey Marcie, beautiful photo, as always. I truly appreciated the"lesson". Being raised, at least to a certain point, Southern Baptist, I've heard these words of your holy days but never the true meanings before. It seems alot of us go thru times of asking questions of what we were brought up with, trying different things on and looking for what feels right to us.......thanks for sharing.
Marcie, beautiful light filled image; reminiscent of a french impressionist painting. I came upon your website yesterday and saw the Vision and Verb link. This is the type of site I have been wishing to create! A place and space to share one's creative process (photography) and the inspirations of our thoughts, hearts, and minds(writing).I will be visiting often! I created my blog last year for one of my classes but have only recently begun to tend to it. Take a look when you have a chance.
I too am a woman in the middle of life and this time of year finds me preparing to go inside for the autumn and winter months; it's time for quiet, rest and deep listening.
Your title Mindfulness Practice pulled me right in as it has been a practice of mine for many years.
I'm glad I found your lovely site!
Mary
Mary
l'shana tovah tikatevu. a happy healthy new year to you and your family.
Marcie, what a beautiful post ... as an older Mom ... I'm in the anchoring them in this faith stage ... Thank you for bringing this to my attention. And Thank you for reminding me of my sweeter still
days to come.
What a beautiful post Marcie. I find myself reflecting on my beliefs more and more as I get older and what is important to my life. I have always been a lover of family, my faith, and tradition. It's nice to read about another creative soul and her reflections. Thank you for sharing and have a wonderful holiday.
we have talked before about how we are so often in the same place. i am here along with you, discovering, questioning, not so much on religious terms, but most definitely on personal ones.
i think traditions within families are so important, they ground us and bring us together. they make us part of a community, and i think we need that, more than ever these days.
questions are good. keep asking them always. the answers are so much less important than the questions.
I'm glad I popped over here to see "the rest of the story" that goes along with the photo, which is marvelous. But this piece you've written... masterpiece. You've captured so many fleeting thoughts and displayed them beautifully.
Marcie, I love everything you have shared here. I totally agree that no one has any hard and fast answers, although many think that they do, and therefore, cut themselves off (in my opinion) from further open-ness and awe. I enjoyed reading about your traditions. I too have been all over the map, raised in a strict protestant household, I was very skeptical by age 16 and eventually left it all behind. I find myself now more tolerant of those traditions as well all the others. It's fascinating to me the various ways in which we humans seek and find meaning. And I love being able to investigate all of these ways with an open and receptive mind. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Such a beautiful image and perfect for such thoughts. I was raised Catholic and could have written much the same as you. I am 40 now and not quite sure where I belong regarding religions. I feel that they all have their own beauty. I just think that...for me, I am in a place where I am open and finding my way...not set on any one religion. And I am fine with that...most of the time. But the 'not knowing' is not always an easy place to be. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. :)
Marcie - as always, a beautifully captured mood.
Your words... I am myself asking so many questions about faith, belief... I was raised in a German protestant family that went to church on Christmas and never truly had a deep faith. WhenI moved away from home I was looking for a place and tried different churches and communities without finding what I was looking for. I don't think I'm a church person, I can't be pressed into any rules that I don't believe in. I don't even believe in one religion. I'm still searching and finding answers (and more questions) all over the place...
I love this post of yours, Marcie, more than any of the others that you've written. It's so full of honesty and truth, all of which I can relate to and understand. I have asked, and continue to ask, much the same questions. As we have said so often, we are so alike in so many ways! Hugs :)
Thanks for raising the issue of our spiritual and religious lives.
I began questioning early, as a child. Like you, left religion during my young adulthood. Started looking for a religious home around age 30, due to dissatisfaction with superficiality of popular culture. Found my way to Quakers, where I have been for the past 30 years.
But my questioning did not end. I've ended up in a seemingly contradictory place--a non-theist Quaker. I came to this comfortable and truthful-for-me place by following the suggestion in your last paragraph--following the light.
Happy journeying.
We would all do well to incorporate a time set aside to examine, "days of awe" sums it up perfectly.
as a Christian, i'm a 'grafted in' Jew, grafted into the vine of Judaism... but I do not celebrate Jewish holidays, which I find kind of sad, and you my darling have just made me kind of sadder about it :) thank you...
Pfffff, I am really moved by your post Marcie. Ginnie said it beautifully. I guess I will always be a seeker during the rest of my life. I have abandoned the faith my parents chose for me, and have none since. Probably I will never commit myself to any faith at all as I do not think any faith is the one and only true faith, but one, I believe in myself.
I love your description of the family tradition. It is so special. I pray for my kids and pray they have their own spiritual awakening. I am in the midst of mine so what I do for myself, I do for my kids. And I can only hope it's enough.
I feel such a connection to your words here, about finding your own way. I have been trying to find my own spiritual path for a while now, trying to separate what I was told, what I once believed, and what I have seen and experienced. I am in between the questioning and the feeling I should do for my kids, but in the midst of all that I really want to find my own truth and feel solid in it.
Beautiful picture with your wonderful words, what you describe is, I think, true for a lot of people, part of growing older and more experienced and learning from our mistakes, we are able to find the truth for and inside ourselves, we are the ones that have to live with ourrself.
I was out of town when you posted this thought provoking piece and am just now reading it. Like so many of the others, I too have been experiencing that period of questioning, examining, searching, longing...introspection. I like that word -- introspection.