Sunday
Sep262010
Ma'am
September 26, 2010 * * * * * Posted by: Marcie 
'Ma’am'– he asked – 'one bag..or two?'
I looked behind me hoping to hear the next-in-line respond. The next in line was an elderly man. Hardly – anyone who might be referred to as ma’am.
'Ma’am???'
I looked in front of me..thinking that he must be addressing another. Before me was a young girl..a mere child. She had already moved on and out carrying with her her many bags of groceries and more.
A pause. To think. To process. To take it all in and understand. He was – of course – talking to me.
'Ma’am'???
One bag.. I said. One bag..is all I need.
Just another ordinary day. An everyday passing remark. A simple question…asking for nothing more than an answer.
Ma’am.
An abbreviation for the French title ‘madame’. Like Mrs. is to Miss..in our Anglo-American culture. …Madame is to Mademoiselle. It’s offered up out of respect and honor. It – implies ‘lady’…’gentlewoman’..on occasion even – ‘grand dame’. It may be used kindly in reference to ‘mistress and head of the household’..or not quite so kindly as a one who ‘runs and manages a brothel or house of ill-repute’. It is a word that has been adapted into our language for use when there is no other appropriate word to address. It is said politely and with much respect. No harm intended.
Ma’am.
What happened to ‘miss’? It wasn’t so long ago that the person checking-me-out..might have addressed me as such. When did it happen that I crossed this indefinable and rather obscure line..over to the other side..and into this?? I look in the mirror and I see me. That same girl who always was..and still is inside me. I see no signs or any other visible indication that I should have entered this new world that commands this kind of attention. I am – am I not? – still that little miss? That sweet mademoiselle? That girl..and not this formidable woman?
Mistaken always – for younger than I actually am…asked for photo I.D. long beyond the age of majority – I once looked forward to this day. Reading glasses – I hoped would make me look wiser..more distinguished. A little salt and pepper and sprinkling of grey..might add dignity..grace..admiration – perhaps.
And then – there’s this.
A child..a mere boy – addressed me as ‘madame’. He sees what I cannot. What I have been steadfastly refusing to look at. He sees a woman of my age..instead of another. How DID this happen?..and WHEN??
Still – full of energy and life. My body – perhaps a little softer…..but still strong..still able. My head – still filled with childish dreams and wild imagination. My heart – still beating strongly in my chest..alive and well. It’s certainly not the picture of ‘ma’am’ I’d considered. I don’t seem like a 'ma’am' to me. I don’t feel like one. I certainly – wouldn’t mistake myself as one. Why did he???
Faded flowers. Leaves changing and falling. Full-bodied fruit..ripening. Some might mistake that as the season of ‘madame’…and no longer that of the beautiful…sweet…young…budding ‘mademoiselle’.
I gaze into that mirror and look and really see with new and more-critical eyes. This is who and where I am. I’ve earned this honorary right-of-passage and degree. From here on in – I’ll wear my new title proudly.
One bag..or two?
Two bags – I’ll say.
With my newly adopted title..I’m learning that less is often more. I can distribute the load. I can take my time. I can rest a little easier in this new place and time.
'Ma’am' I am.
Reader Comments (21)
For me the shock came about 10 years ago when strangers asked if I was my 10-year-old son's grandmother!
when i read doris lessig's "summer before the dark," she wrote about becoming invisible. she was turning 40! at 40, you aren't ma'am yet....nor do i believe invisible. it is an odd thing to really be "next in line" for this certain age, and i like the way you put it. enjoy the 2-bag rest. you won't sit for long...i just have a feeling!
Marcie, you know how much I love each and every image of yours, this pretty one is no exception. And oh, how I love this post! You very beautifully said so much for so many of us, especially how you ended
it ..." newly adopted title, less is more, distribute the load, take my time, rest a little easier ... and Ma'am I am!" Perfect, thank you.
That's right Marcie, wear it proudly! I had no idea that it could meant a woman who runs a brothel. I'll smile internally each time I'm called that from now on!
I used to cringe when I heard the word "ma'am" used when addressing me, but then I went to work for a boot camp for juvenile offenders and the "trainees" were acquired to address all females, regardless of age or marital status as "ma'am", so I got used to it. Now I just consider it a sign of respect. Own it, sistah!!
Oh yes, and don't forget the South where it's used all the time, especially by the children who aren't transplants!
Years ago someone asked a lady in her 50's if she felt she was getting old. "NO WAY," she said. "I still feel like a young girl!" After she turned 60, she said to the one who had asked the question, "Remember when you asked me if I felt older? Well, NOW I do!" So I smiled when I read this, Marcie, because there actually IS a line we cross, I think, when we do feel older. It may be different for each one but I know it has happened for me, too, at 65. Many parts of me still feel very young but my body doesn't, even though it's relatively healthy. Every time I fall I KNOW I'm no longer young! Your yoga will stave that off for you, perhaps, longer than for most. So keep up with it...and live in both worlds. You really do deserve every ma'am you get, so get used to it. :)
I love this reflection and the accompanying image. Thank you.
Oh Marcie, we all are wonderful, young-at-heart and wise ma'ams. I was called that some years ago for the first time, and I mainly "heard" the respect. Recently, however, I was asked whether I was the grandmother of my 12-year-old daughter! Ah, the joys of being a "late" mother (or is it old?). --- Uh oh, I first typed "late" wrong, it turned out "alte" which means "old" in German... No further comment!
I too have crossed over the line into the world of ma'am. I think the first time was a similair situation and it was a young man who conferred the ma'amimg. I think more than anything it woke me up to the fact that physically, I looked older; old enough to be be given some respect? And yet, I've always looked younger for my age (53) and honestly sometimes I even forget! I would have to say I am living the best time of my life. I feel like I am finally living my life, not someone elses idea. I have 2 sons, 23 and almost 16. And I can safely say the 16 year old has a very different woman for his mother! I started dying my hair and plucking my eyebrows in my late forties when some of us were wanting to go "more natural". I've spent the last five years working on getting my AA in Media Arts and realized my passion for photography and that I am a creative woman. I love and appreciate the wisdom I have gathered through my 50 plus years of living. Yes, my body is softer, menopause has removed my short term memory and osteoperosis has me more mindful when I'm walking and at the same time, it is the richest I have ever felt and I will receive a ma'am anytime!
We were talking about age at work today and how we still feel like when we were in our 30s. We pondered where all the time had gone...
Your image is beautiful as always and so are your words. I understand the feeling the word ma'am has now. In Holland all the adult women are called mevrouw meaning Mrs. It is not connected with being married (any more). Miss is only used for kids and teenagers.
oh yes, this one resonated with me, too. feeling much the same this year, up until then, not so much. but, like you, i am taking it in stride, adjusting, re-balancing. what else can we do? i adore this photo...
so true ..sometimes it is so hard to see it ,,beats the alternative as we say around here..your writing is so much fun and as always Marcie ..the photo says so much!!
I remember having had that reaction the first time I was addressed as 'Ma'am' too, Marcie. You get used to everything, right? Now I don't mind, especially since it's way better than the 'Sir' I used to get when I wore my hair short. I don't look like a guy (I don't think...) but some people just react to the height without looking closer.
Lovely essay. Lots of us can relate to this, obviously.
I wrote a poem a while back about how youth is such a tease, makes you think that she's always going to be there with you and then slips away without your even noticing. So sly you don't even know what hit you! For me it's somewhat comforting to be a "boomer", simply because there are so many of us and we are better and stronger together!! Great post!
Wow Marcie, you have written my thoughts down, exactly!! To the point and spot on! I still can't take it when one of my many cousins calls me auntie, Yuk!!! That sounds like someone wearing her hair in a bun who loves to crochet starshaped quilt patterns and distributes sticky sweets to all of her siblings children. I don't listen when they call me auntie Marion, I only listen to Marion. No matter what age they are.
I am me, Marion, not a ma'am, not an auntie, not a whatever, just Marion. I have not adapted yet, you have, you are way ahead of me!!
So beautifully written and a reflection that is spot on. I haven't got used to it just yet. I'm still adjusting to grandma ;) I admire your ability to pair up the image with your text every time.
The first time someone called me "Ma'am" I thought they said "Man," which I didn't like any better.
I prefer ma'am to miss these days. When someone, usually a man, calls me miss, it sounds condescending or even pathetic like I should be flattered or something. I'm not. I'm a proud ma'am.
I too am a proud "ma'am." We spent many hours while we taught in the elementary school encouraging students to say "Yes Ma'am" or No Ma'am." It's a Southern thing, I guess. And...a sign of respect in the Southern culture. :) We also say "Sir!" ;)
I love how you pair an image with your thoughts....
Oh my I am right there with you and wondering how I got to this place. I am not yet old (at least not in my mind). But clearly I am no longer young. Ah aging. How quickly it catches up with you!
i know that feeling :) - here i am sometimes referred to as 'dada' (my sister), but increasingly as 'mama' which isn't as good, or as young-sounding as 'dada'. the worse is, although it's hugely respectful and should make me feel happy, when children or young people open their greeting to me with 'shikamoo' which means basically 'i bow down and hold your feet' - a very respectful way to greet someone older than you. which is good, but still..hmmmmmm.