It Is A Gift
November 28, 2011 * * * * * Posted by: guest blogger 
Sometimes I wonder about my life so far. Did I do good? Did I make the right choices? What could I have done differently?
Are there reasons why things happen the way they do?
Am I the only one having these thoughts, these doubts? Does it mean I am not confident enough, am I worrying too much?
Too many questions with not always a straight answer.
‘Mom, how do you write ‘Hartelijk gefeliciteerd, Oma’ (Happy Birthday, Grandma).
A simple question. I started spelling the letters one by one.
My mother’s birthday was coming up and my son Jeroen, 14 years old at the time, had picked out a card to send to her.
We were on vacation in France and a vacation friend overheard that question and asked Jeroen, ‘Wow, you don’t know, are you dumb or what?’
Three words hit me in the heart…. ‘are you dumb’…..
As a parent, you like to protect your child, try to save him from the dangers, the disappointments, the pains in life, which is impossible of course. It is part of life and we had to go through them too, it makes us stronger and sometimes wiser.
Jeroen was diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 11, reading and writing were impossible for him, the letters were ‘dancing’ in his head.
Discovering that your child is dyslexic is not easy. How do you cope with that as a parent? How does it affect the child?
Life itself is hard enough. Having problems with reading and writing makes it an even greater challenge, and a challenge it became.
From early start Jeroen wanted to become a plumber, like one of his older friends who made ‘big bucks’ and owned a car when he was 18, the legal age in the Netherlands for a drivers license and driving a car.
Tragedy struck at 16….. a car accident, Jeroen was hit by a car and he broke his tibia an calf leg…….. end of a career and a dream……
Recovering from the accident, a teacher introduced him to AutoCAD
To make a long story short, now at age 23, he has a ‘job for life’ as an AutoCAD draftsperson with a company that designs the infrastructure in buildings and hospitals (water, sewage, drainage, air control etc.)
His boss does not mind the dyslexia, Jeroen is a genius in drawing/designing and calculation and he has 3D-vision.
Recently, Jeroen and his girlfriend bought a house and are in the midst of renovating. He updated the sewer system, installed the heating pipes into the walls, installed the bathroom and the toilets, plastered the walls, ceilings, with help from friends and family.
Of course we ‘studied the subject’ about who else has the gift of dyslexia.
To save time, during the first 4 years of his technical education, I read Jeroen’s technical schoolbooks to him, later he managed on his own.
Both Jeroen’s father and I, we never think of Jeroen being different, he is just special.
Ginnie loves it when Jeroen comes to visit us, he always needs a pencil and paper while he talks explaining things from work, for drawing is his life.
Do I need to worry, did I make the right choices, what could I have done differently?
You tell me. I am very content so far.
And what about that friend with the car, well, he happens to live in the house right next door to Jeroen again.
Both are now laughing. Who is dumb here?
Neither of them….
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Special guest post today by Astrid Wijdekop, from the Netherlands, who blogs over at 'Picturit'. Thank you for joining us here today, Astrid, and for your wonderful story and image.
Reader Comments (31)
You raise an interesting subject, Astrid, and deal with it in a very pleasing personal manner.
Some years back there was a movie "Children of a Lesser God" that raised that matter of whether deafness was an affliction or a gift...I think the conclusion was that it all depends on your perspective.
Some of my sons are what is termed "colourblind", and I have spent a lot of time thinking about the fact that they see stuff differently from me, and that they must factor in special interpretations if they are to imagine what "normal" people see. On the other hand, I am very poorly equipped to see what they see.
On the other subject...I am increasingly of the opinion that many questions about Life choices do not have "right" and "wrong" answers...sometimes the important thing is more about making a decision rather than the choice made. I think we need to be less judgemental about these things.
I have a niece who is Dyslexic (why is that word so hard to spell!) and I know she suffered from ignorant teachers at school who refused to accept it and treated her as thick and difficult. She had a lot of problems but now is happily married with a family. It was a hard road for her. Kathryn works as a student support at the University and some of her students are dyslexic and some Autistic. I think she has learned a lot. Your article is wonderful a proud mother and rightly so.
Powerful story about your son's life and all the challenges you both met with open arms and open mind. Given the place he finds himself in now, I'd say you made the choices that needed to be :-)
Astrid, my personal belief is that everyone can live a really good life. It all comes down to good support and people who believe in you and your abilities. Everyone has a right to reach their full potential regardless of the obstacles. Exactly as you have shown with your openhearted story here.
Yes, isn't the world a wonderful place. Humans have very strange attributes. One of them is to make a million rules, so that we can know whether we are right or wrong. It is such a pity. I try to keep my life simple, knowing there is a definite 'wrong' on the one side and a whole spectrum of 'rights' on the other side. Wrong is when I will definitely transgress in another person's life.
Recently I spoke to a guy who is a teacher at a school with mostly black pupils. That was in Namibia. All of the pupils' parents have work, some own businesses, farms,etc. They keep on accusing him of being rich. The perception still exist that white = rich and black = poor. He then explained to them, that their families are earning in the top 10% of the world and now they are slowly moving away from the perception.
Perception = a perceived truth.
Jeroen's friend saying - are you dumb or what? lived under a perception. He was not aware of a whole spectrum of 'rights' out there. Or put it in another way, he was not aware that spelling is not necessary an indication of being clever. The situation would probably not have arisen if the friend knew Jeroen is dyslexic. But then he was a vacation friend and do you tell them everything?
Fortunately for me, my first contact with a dyslexic person was when a guy was appointed in a position reporting to me. He had a degree, etc. His spelling was a bit horrible at times and the job at the time was to write training manuals. So I spoke to him and he told me he is dyslexic. I started observing. The young man was full of plans, a romantic and a bit of a daydreamer. When he spelled 'kursus' as 'kurses' I knew he was daydreaming again. (Kursus is the Afrikaans word for 'course' and was often used in our work back then). I would then spend a few hours with him to address the dream and the spelling would come right again.
The point is - what if he didn't tell me he was dyslexic. I would have been forced to fire him in the end for unsatisfactory work on a continuous base. He told me, and we became great friends. We were not just vacation friends.
And do not compare the stories. You can't. Lives are different, you have different levels of dyslexia, etc.
To be right, to be wrong. I would rather not be wrong and be kind!
It is like yesterday that I saw the picture of Jeroen playing tennis. I would never have guessed. Should I have guessed? Was it important? I believe not.
To tell a vacation friend - it may prevent comments like the one used. I would if a longer term relation is expected.
Have a great week and send regards to Jeroen.
Having a son whose learning has always been 'differently-abled' - I can so relate to this post. At some point in his younger years - someone (a teacher?) told him he'd never amount to anything more than a janitor...and he somehow took that to heart and believed it. His struggles (and mine) and road he's had to navigate and follow - have been complicated and bumpy and long.
After years of believing he'd 'never' - he just recently returned to school. And - with great pride - he's finding that he 'can' read and write...and is quite proud of it!
There's no right or wrong answer here. We just do what we need to do to love and help them live their lives. Thank-you for joining us here again Astrid. Always a pleasure and joy!
I think you never stop worrying about your kids, but it sounds to me like you did (and are still doing) a great job with your son, he seems like a fine man, who has found his way through life, even with a 'problem', like so many people would call it, dyslexia. I more see it as a challenge, and he managed to dare that challenge, with you on his side. So to me, Astrid, WELL DONE!!!
XO
Much like Marcie, a SECOND GRADE teacher told my son that he would be in prison -- yes, prison -- by the time he was out of high school. His frustration with putting thoughts on paper and his frustration with math led him to 'act out' in the classroom. Once the age of computers and calculators hit, he found alternative ways to communicate and perform needed tasks. Now, at the age of 40, he is a wonderful father of three and productive citizen with very good work habits. Admittedly so, the teen age years were challenging for all of us. But a great deal of patience and a whole lot of love got us through our rocky times. Once he met the girl who is now is wife, he seemed to blossom and come into his 'own.'
During my teaching career I would always say, "We all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. The trick is to find our strengths and 'work em!'" Sounds like your Jeroen found his strengths and is 'working 'em!'
(From reading the number of responses still early in the day, it appears you have touched a topic that many have either experienced or can relate to. Thanks for joining us today and sharing such a personal story.)
You know by now how downright proud I am of you, Mijn Vrouw! I still marvel at the stories you tell me about how you raised Jeroen. I adore him and can see why he is the apple of your eye. When he shows me his AutoCAD schematics, I just stare in unbelief. You'd never know he ever had a day of dyslexia in his life!
Thank you for the example you have shown me of patience and love midst adversity. It sounds like (as Sue has just said) there are many who can relate to your story. Thanks for sharing it.
This is quite wonderful and helpful to me at this stage of my life, when my daughter's son is "incubating." Will he have "special needs"? That is how our university refers to students with disabilities if they have registered them with the disabilities office. I was asking what the blessing was in my mother-in-law's crisis this week. One commenter said it is the way family comes together at these times. I see this with you and Joreon too: you provided him something needed, helping fill in what he couldn't provide himself. And he flourished. This was your choice, to be a help to him. And it was a very good one. Now he happily is in your life, and so well suited to the work he does, at home and in the office.
I see where Joroen gets his talents. :-)
After reading your story about your son and how he has learned to cope with dyslexia and still be brilliant at what he does, it reminds me of my son, he is not dyslexic but really struggled and had to have special need classes. After he left junior school to go to senior school, his teacher said to me there is light at the end of the tunnel for him, I was shocked because as far as the school had let me know he was doing fine, then all of sudden he was put in special needs in high school and got called dumb and everything else. It used to hurt him and me and I would do everything to encourage him, all the school could say was he could do better, so I would say, your teaching him, why is he not!! as he grew older the comments stopped and he had great mates, but his interest in school had gone. We really had to encourage him to sit his exams..... He did, he passed them all, just......! but he still passed them. I remember going to the school to pick up his results as he would not go back. The teacher handed them to me, I shall never forget the look on her face, as if to say, oh, well, poor grades, not much hope really. So I opened them in front of her and said Well, I am really proud of him, he has passed them, thats good enough for me!!!
So with great encouragement and his family behind him and maths lessons from hid dad he is now at the age of 24 a fully qualified Electrician , owns his own house and is enjoying life. So there was light at the end of the tunnel as it turns out! electrical ones lol.
You did everything a mum would do, helped and encouraged, now you sit back and keep on being very proud of his achievements and him just like I do lol :-)
Thank you for telling us this moving story, Astrid.
As Chantal says one never stops worrying about ones own children and I'm glad all has worked out well for Jeroen. Sadly we are supporting our son of 35 years at the moment as his relationship with his (now ex) partner, with whom he had our Granddaughter, has recently fallen through. He has returned home of course but we feel so sad as he now has no home of his own, no relationship, and only sees his daughter on odd occasions instead of every day. We will give him what support we can as you no doubt did with Jeroen, it's what parents do isn't it. Also his daughter, our Granddaughter, who was 4 in June started school in August and there are suspicions that she might be suffering from a form of Dyslexia following things that have been taking place with her at school, however if that is the case then your story of Jeroen gives me great cheer for her future, she is a lovely, and very bright, little girl in reality.
Well, the best revenge is success. I am so happy for your boy Astrid. Good for him. He has something better than perfect analytical skills, he has his heart, his work ethic and his mamma. He's a blessed boy!
i am late into the post but glad to hear from astrid on any subject!
you remind us all about acceptance, inspiration, changing expectations, and celebrating success however it is defined.
most of all...there is love, and i think you have that nailed.
This is a wonderful heart warming post, thanks for sharing it with us. Love and nurture through difficult times led to a new hope and ambition. He certainly sounds a very handy person to have around the place.
This is so great that your boy found the right 'job' and the right place on our World. I'm glad you or him never gave up and never listened to all the ignorant people. I'm glad he spreads his gift into a new home and a new, happy beginning. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, Astrid.
What a beautiful story Astrid. I'm sending you the biggest, warmest hug!! I love that you read Jeroen's technical schoolbooks to him!!
We all have our own unique ways of learning and seeing the world. I'm dyslexic; never officially diagnosed but it came out in a very pronounced way when I
went to college in my forties and even more pronounced in/through/ and after menopause. Probably the biggest challenge is in the work place...many still do not understand and it gets tiring to explain. Your son has found a perfect profession to allow his creativity and intuition to soar and use his multidimensional mind. Dyslexics excel the most in creative environments.
Blessings!!
I have to say one more thing after reading all the other posts...I don't believe dyslexia is a disability at all - in fact I believe we all have our own unique style of learning. Just because we don't fit into what society calls "normal"; because our educational system doesn't have the wherewithal to create programs that offer different ways to learn...I had to find my own way and struggled with reading because I love reading books so much. My son is dyslexic too and at nearly 17 has dropped out of high school and trying to find his way. I believe as we move forward the youth of today and generations that follow will begin to acknowledge the variety of methods to learning and the many ways there are to be "in school"; whether it's your own school of life or finding a wonderful environment that supports and nurtures different learning styles.
Your son Jeroen is a very likeable, handsome and so concentrated looking young man, I can imagine how he loves his working, and his results must be very good. I admire what all he has aready done in his house, and to own an own house in his age is exceptional! Yes, he has grown up in a wonderful way accompanied and supported by such a wonderful, tüchtiger mother! He has found his way and he appears to be content and happy with his life - we need persons like him!
As teacher I know the dyslexia problem (Legasthenie in our language) very well and was often in contact with perosns who tried to help those pupils, and I know how often the pupils/studnets and their parents were suffering from that phenomenon. There are some methods to help them, indeed, but a lot of them have to struggle with this problem beyond school time. I remember many of them were very intelligent and they had their gifts and talents in other areas, e.g. in music, mathematics, art... and we had to encourage them to find their suitable way.
I like this photo very much! What did Jeoen say about it? With my best wishes for him and his girl- friend,Philine
Yes, I do believe most people ask those questions. Especially as we grow older and wiser and realize some things that we thought were so very important really were not. But all we can do is take that knowledge and live a better life now.
I can imagine the hurt and outrage you felt with those three words 'are you dumb'. Sounds like they were the ignorant one. I love the photo of your son. It sounds like he's doing just fine. You must be very proud of him.
Dear Astrid, so good to read about you and your son.. Amazing sucess and well done to you!!!
I have so much in common with him and also have a sucess story.. I have dyslexia and trained on autocad as a designer.. I have become a senior designer in a large retail company with a similar ability to see 3 D . We are blessed with our disabilities because they force us, or encourage us to find alternatives . I design retail and houses ..well anything I can get my hands on...and love it. What it also teaches one is never to judge people . We all have our strengths and weaknesses.. .. So thank you for sharing your story with us.. All the best to you and Ginnie xxxx
Good post Astrid. Seems to me you just did great. Groetjes
What a great story and post! I can relate because my brother is still dyslexic and my mom struggled a lot to help him get through school, but he managed to get a communications degree in the end and through practice is better at spelling. It makes me smile to know Jeron is an AutoCad designer. That's awesome. Things happened for a reason and he was in the right place at the right time. Dumb? I don't think so.. Are people really dumb? I think not. Each of us has our own talents and great abilities and he was able to find his.. Amazing! :)
I can only second what Chantal said here. I think you did very well, Astrid, and you have all reason to be proud of your son. My friend's daughter is challenged as well, and it makes me angry how uncooperative schools are and how much damage a teacher can cause. It sounds like you have been a fantastic support for your son so he could fullfil his dream. Yes, very well done.