Sunday
Feb132011
Imagining Wishes
February 13, 2011 * * * * * Posted by: Marcie 
Yes - it's Valentine's Day.
Never have I been a believer in holidays that are marked with consumerism. Holidays from which corporate entities may profit from our need to buy into the mentality of ‘spending’ as a way of demonstrating our thoughts..our feelings.
So often I find myself the cynic…the nay-sayer..the dis-believer..when all I really want is to believe. Always needing to explore …to question…to pull things apart and look at them from the inside and then the out. Impossible to simply accept it for what it is. A holiday. A hallmark one. A one that is about nothing other than expressing one’s love.
My first – in kindergarten. A boy with whom I walked to and from school with. We often stopped and picked flowers out of other people’s gardens. Young. Innocent.
My second – in elementary school. Another young lad who shared after-school ice cream at the corner malt shop. Sweet.
My third – in those days of pre and early adolescence. A ski buddy. A boy without whom skiing would never have been the same. We were inseparable. Attached at the hip. Best of boy/girl friends.
And then followed those emotionally charged…hormone-infested…roller-coaster years of adolescence. A time when it all seemed to take on such weight and enormous measure. ‘Love’ and its pursuit - became my greatest fantasy and dream..as well as my most dreaded nightmare. Turbulent.. exuberant..joyous..hot and heavy..sweet and light. .. and sadly and always ending in heartbreak. Mine or his.
Love.
The love that – perhaps – surprised me the most was ‘mother-love’. The fierce..passionate….undying love I had for my babies. From the moment of each of their births – I felt it as something different than anything I’d ever known before. A love that was and is to this day - unconditional. A love that carries with it all of life’s greatest lessons. A love that questions and stretches and pushes and pulls me in every direction imaginable….but a one that endures and never ends. A powerful love. A one that puts their lives – always - ahead of mine.
The man to whom I’m married. Over twenty-eight years of time-tested love. Often taken for granted and sometimes unnoticed..but ever-present and strong. Another which has sustained the trials of life - the ups and downs..the gains and losses…the busy years of raising babies…the tumultuous ones of herding adolescents. And now – a quieter…more comfortable..settled kind of love. Like the oldest and softest of favorite worn shoes.
What is love?
Little red hearts don’t define it. Chocolates can’t possibly sweeten it. Roses are nothing other than an ornamentation of it.
What I most struggle with is this concept of self-‘love’. Of this looking and really seeing myself each day for exactly who I am..accepting and embracing. The bad. The good. The ugly. Of speaking to myself in a way and tone in which I might converse with a friend. Softly. Gently. Kindly. Supporting. Encouraging. In comparison – all other ’loves’ come easy. I have known to be my very own worst enemy….and I’d like to think and imagine and hope that someday I might learn to be my bestest of best friends. My own greatest love. Not a love for self that outshines all others..but a one that might be offered up and shared. A reflective and complimentary kind of love.
Yes- its Valentine’s Day.
A day that is marked with little red hearts and roses..and hallmark words that are nothing other than sugar-coated candy to the heart and soul.
To my mother – elegant roses.
To my children – sweet chocolate and kisses.
To my husband – romance and a dinner that is candle-lit.
And to myself – a little..and just for this one day – some kind words..and a fistful of heartfelt ‘love’.
Reader Comments (21)
I love the way you end this post, by wishing things to yourself, we should all do that from time to time... have a nice day Marcie... xxx
Well written and I feel exactly the same. I love how you end it with a wish for your family and most importantly for yourself. Have a nice day Marcie!
So many types of love you have described in your beautifully written post; self-love being one of the most challenging. *sigh*
Your bathroom mirror should have an affirmation pasted on it -- one that says something like "I am loved and appreciated by folks around the world not only for my gifts of vision and verb but for the beautiful, giving, caring, encouraging, supportive, loving person I am!"
((hugs))
Thank you for the Valentine gift!
ah, self love...the elusive boost that can only come from you that honors all that you are, all that you give, and all that you do. well said, and my wish for you is that for today, you...take care of...your.
Ah, self love. Sigh. Well done here. Thank you!
It was late in my life, Marcie, when it hit me between the eyes that in all my church upbringing with a preacher dad, always hearing "Love thy neighbor as thyself," I had never heard a sermon on just exactly what it meant to love myself! We always heard the sermons about loving everyone else...but never about loving ourselves. It would be too selfish, too self-serving, too ego-centric, too self-absorbing to broach such a subject.
Heavens! Where does that come from! I guess from a Christian upbringing that teaches selflessness...and for me, from a mother who was the perfect martyr.
In the end, it's a truism: we really can't love anyone else until we can love ourselves! Thanks, Marcie, for the reminder that the hardest of all loves is also the most necessary!
beautiful words.
indeed beautiful words !
Ah, those first, sweet boyfriends! Thanks, Marcie, for sharing your thoughts and feelings here and for just being your true, shining self!
A beautiful post, Marcie. As the others have said, self love is the hardest of all, and I think for precisely the reasons Ginnie stated. A great way to address this Hallmark day. :)
oh yes... amen.. self love.. thank you marcie... truly.
xxo, Kim
this was perfect, i think we all feel life this holiday is a bit manufactured, but then still, somehow, it is important to honor love. you did it wonderfully, and yes, loving ourselves, something as women I think we tend to set aside, is important, too.
Happy Valentine's Day, to everyone, and to our selves.
Beautiful post, Marcie. Self-love - that really is challenging. And I think most because of what Ginnie said so perfectly. Thank you for this wonderful post, Marcie. And - love to you.
I, too, feel an unconditional love for my children. Your post makes me wonder why it is so hard to accord myself love without conditions. Perhaps it is because I tend to live my own life in black and white photography and allow color in theirs.
Very thoughtful writing, full of insight. Yes... it seems to take a lifetime (at least for some of us) to get this area of life even remotely figured out.
All the best...
Lovely Valentine post. I know your day was filled with love.
i really enjoyed this .. each love is a bit different .. i really try to not get all wrapped up in Valentines either ..although a holiday with chocolate is usually high on my favorites!! blessings friend
What a heart-felt and beautiful piece. You brought tears to my eyes as it is something I'm working on so hard - that gentle voice to myself rather than the habitual self-critical, quick to chastise one that truly needs to retire. Thank you.
Oh I wish I could write like this. And, from your photography I wish I could photograph like that! You said everything that I have been thinking. I am in the middle of raising teens and being my own best friend often feels like the best person to be with at times. I haven't found a blog in awhile that has caught my attention, but here is one!
My sunday morning catch up has me late to this post. I love the photo! Happy belated love day!