Youth in Asia
May 29, 2011 * * * * * Posted by: Ginnie 
I mean euthanasia, of course, not to confuse you or to open a can of worms.
It was bound to come up here sooner or later, I suppose. Not that I expected me to be the one, but it crossed the radar like a lead balloon:
Joekie
9 March 1957 - 15 May 2011
Joekie (YOU-key) was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago, went through chemo, and came out with a clean bill of health. But out of nowhere, it all came back this year with a vengeance, invading first her bone marrow and then her entire body. It was hopeless. Incurable.
She was the one who said she wanted to do it. The pain and suffering were not just hers but everyone's. Her husband and 2 grown children agreed. It was time.
Astrid got the call from her son two weeks ago Saturday. They would do it the next day, Sunday, witnessed by two physicians. The legal paperwork had all been done.
We were in the car at the time, stopped for a photo I was taking of a weathervane (ironic symbolism?). When I saw Astrid's tears, I knew something was wrong. Joekie was her cousin-in-law by previous marriage, dearly loved by the family. Only 54 years old. This would be a huge loss. But even in her tearful grief, Astrid was relieved. It would soon be over.
By Tuesday, 3 days after the news, we received the death announcement and the date for the memorial service on the 20th, a week ago. 500 family and friends were in attendance.
Ze zag het leven als een vrolijk lied en bezong het vanuit haar hart.
She saw life as a lively song and sang it from her heart.
Ironically, as I write this post, Dr. Jack Kevorkian, a.k.a. Dr. Death, is hospitalized in America for pneumonia and kidney problems, age 83. Last October when we were in Atlanta we watched the TV documentary of his life, starring Al Pacino: You Don't Know Jack. I sit here right now, dumbfounded that he spent 8 years in prision for doing what 2 doctors did mercifully here in The Netherlands 2 weeks ago...to someone in Astrid's extended family.
When it gets this close and personal, it changes everything. Astrid has cried more than once these past 2 weeks and I have cried with her. But never once has she regretted the decision Joekie made. Never once has she second-guessed anything. As she would say, it's just 'natural.'
This post isn't meant for controversy or debate. It's just for the tears and for the simplicity and fragility of death-by-choice when it makes sense. It doesn't feel like suicide. It doesn't feel like playing God. It just feels like plain and simple mercy. Surely even God weeps.
[Image from The Three Mermaids statue in Drøbak, Norway.]
ADDENDUM: Dr. Jack Kevorkian died on 3 June 2011.
Reader Comments (30)
i agree, if we can have mercy on our beloved animals when they get too sick, and put them to sleep, why not have at least as much mercy for people.... i've always been for euthanasia, and hope that when the time comes somebody will have mercy on me
My instinct has always been against euthanasia as it has been against abortion. Not on any religious grounds because I have no religion. But when it comes close to home then it becomes different. You see the suffering and maybe you have to say that it is the right thing to do. I don't know I haven't been tested. All those I have loved who have died have died suddenly and without suffering. If there is a God I think he would know when suffering is ended through love .
The three mermaids, they are famous all over the world... nice angle you took this from.
This post makes me feel proud of this little liberal country I live in.
Gecondoleerd.
Oh Ginnie..this is absolutely beautiful! I've witnessed - firsthand - a slow and painful deterioration and ultimate death from metastisized breast cancer..and I know - had she the choice - she would have chosen to end it much sooner. You are lucky - in the Netherlands - to have that choice..as painful as it sometimes is.
My condolences to Astrid and all of hers....
Whether you mean it, plead against it - you will have all the worms from the can paraded as opinions here. Including mine, naturally. The Jack Kevorkian situation is very much like legislation against diamond trade outside the system. Drop the legislation and diamonds would be worth a lot less. In other words, the legislation ensures that some people will be rich. In some places, diamonds lie around for the picking - just don't do it. Even if it is common property in reality. Many have been jailed and you may have seen DiCapprio's movie.
Both euthanasia and abortion are things I can't do. My personal values don't allow me to go there - to lift a hand and kill another human being. There are alternatives, but they are hardly affordable. I am sure that circumstances are dire when a family decides to continue and I cry for Astrid as well.
So there I am, I can't support the idea - but I also haven't walked one yard in protest against it.
Once again you approach a sensitive topic with wisdom, dignity, and grace. My condolences to Astrid.
First of all my condolences to Astrid and all affected of this sad time. Second I have discussed this many times during my training as a nurse and after when working with terminal ill people. If a person is in it's right mind making this decision and have taken a long good thought about what it means. So I'm for it, but there is those moments when those around object against it there will be hard to go through with this decision. Everything has two sides. I'm happy Astrid's relative could leave her pain and suffer behind her and pass on to a better place.
Thank you, Ginnie and Astrid, for sharing this story ... I am so sad for your loss.
This struck close to home, partially because I too was born in March of 1957 and somehow, it's always surprising when someone your age becomes ill and dies. But also because I've witnessed the end with both my adoptive Mom and biological Dad. My Dad fought death until he lost consciousness and all we could do was keep him comfortable. I live far away so I never got to say goodbye. My Mom refused antibiotics and died of pneumonia when she was 90. She'd been sick in a nursing home for several years. Did my Mom choose euthanasia? Not in her mind. She turned it over to God but we were all pretty certain what the outcome would be. My Mom's death was more peaceful. She was prepared. Everyone came to see her. We talked and laughed and even sang songs. It was still difficult but with my Dad, it was worse as he never accepted the cancer would eventually kill him and left so much unsettled. So whether euthanasia is part of the picture or not, coming to terms with death, no matter how far off the prospect is, and keeping your relationships whole and healthy is so important.
This is powerful, not just because of the subject, but by the spare simplicity of your writing. Very powerful, and haunting.
I completely agree with the idea of a human being having a say in how her life ends – it is humane and correct and the way things should be. In fact, it is the central idea of a novel that’s taking shape in my head, but as you know I’m not good at getting much down on paper. Some time ago I wrote a post about an elderly friend who chose suicide over the loss of her independence – after many discussions with her on the subject I came around to her way of thinking.
And a few years ago I met the widow of a doctor who had worked closely with Jack Kevorkian in the US and heard her story. Her husband had been threatened with heavy-duty legal action because of his association with Dr. Kevorkian and decided he no longer wanted to live under a political system that viewed euthanasia by consent as a criminal act. He moved to Belgium, where he died and his American widow still lives. She refuses to set foot in the States ever again.
It’s good that you brought this to the table - it's such an excellent post. Thank you, Ginnie.
as requested, no debate from me. a simple appreciation for saying how you felt and doing so with beauty and dignity and without requiring judgement. on either side.
i also extend my sympathy. i think i will move to the netherlands :-) or oregon or minnesota...
A very difficult decision to make.
It is difficult for the one who suffers and the people watching the suffering when their is an incurable illness. But both want the end to the suffering, so how can that be a bad decision...
It can't, I remember my Dad's suffering so well.
it is important that everyone gets to live the life they choose. that should be regarded as a basic right.
i love that joekie saw life as a lively song and sang it from her heart.
i never met her, but i can hear some of the beautiful notes even now.
hugs to you and astrid.
like marcie i've seen slow and painful death, all too close. and i think we should have the choice to end it when we choose. i know that that is what i would want to do if i were in a similar situation. the world is on opposite ends of the scale when it comes to this issue isn't it...i wonder if they will ever meet in the middle.
"She saw life as a lively song and sang it from her heart."
I am so sorry to hear of your and Astrid's loss.
A beautiful, thought-provoking post, one of those issues that does seem to always become a can of worms, although it seems to me that it should be a matter of personal choice. Your last line went straight to my heart.
This was difficult to read... I understand but do not know if I would be brave enough to choose the timing for death... it does seem that one should have that choice in order to avoid unimaginable pain and suffering. Thinking of you and Astrid during this time of loss.
I really like how you approached this topic. I myself don't know where to stand when it comes to this very touchy topic.
Have a fabuloous June.
A beautifully lyrical way to touch on such a delicate subject Ginnie, and my condolences to you and Astrid.
Meanwhile, I wonder who will take the risks and offer similar help to Dr Jack Kevorkian if his circumstances require it...?
no doubt in my mind that would judge people who take their own lives if the suffering gets too much to live further. I have watched my mother in law die a painful death, and thank god/allah/buddha/someone/whoever for the fact that I was able to speed up things by having administered a bit more morphine than usual to her so her breathing would quickly stop and she would get into a coma. No more pain!! After which she slipped away peacefully. Like Petra I a proud to be Dutch, and liberal, and I feel really sorry for people that are restricted to live their own lives the way they want by some sort of religion/rules.
I am sorry for your loss Astrid and Ginnie. My condolences!!
A beautiful, sad, thought-provoking post, Ginnie. My sympathies to Astrid, you, and the family for your loss. I don't know what my choice would be if I found myself in a similar situation, but I think I would like to have that choice available to me.
My hugs to you and Astrid.
I so appreciate the delicacy with which you feel and write this, dear sister of mine. Please give Astrid my love and condolences. I feel that none of us should judge anything or anyone until we have lived their life, precisely their life.
It brings tears to my eyes as well. It sounds like she was such a great person. I don't think you could ask for something more than 500 people at your service. Wow.. that must have been very uplifting! It's also way harder when you are faced head on with it all. I certainly don't want to think about things like that but I'm guessing they will come sooner than I will hope to think about them. For now, you just cherish every day!
Joekie was a very lively person and a person loved by many many people, she always had a smile on her face, was always upbeat, always saw the sunny side of life.
When Joekie was send home from the hospital, she and her husband and children were able to do some fun things for more than one week.
After that week, her body started protesting and Joekie felt that the end was near, all she wanted was to be free of the enormous pains she had and she wanted to have a proper goodbye of life.
It takes a lot of courage to take your fate in your own hands.
Too much is going on in my mind to say more, however, I know I will do the same as Joekie, if and when I am in the same circumstances.
After reading all the comments, I/we am/are touched and thank you all for your your condolences.
Realising 54 is young, it can happen to all of us, that is why we all should try to live life at the utmost and cherish every day, like Expatraveler is saying too.
MLS, thank you for this post, you are here for me when I still have tears for Joekie, I know she is in a better place right now and in that way I am happy for her that we live in the Netherlands and that we have the option to choose.........
Such a moving and powerful post, Ginnie. And Astrid's words definitely brought tears to my eyes... I'm near you with my thoughts and prayers. After reading this I feel bad I'm living in a country - Italy - where all this is considered illegal.