A Flock of Thoughts
October 17, 2012 * * * * * Posted by: Maery 
My thoughts are like geese, rising up to form a solid V, while one or two stray off honking madly for the others to follow.
Ideas come to me hot and heavy, flamed with enthusiasm and hot air. Like paper, they quickly turn to nothing but ash, blowing aimlessly upward. Over and over I start, race, quit, re-start, limp along, get a blister, need a nap and wake up not remembering who I am or what I was doing.
I sit here wondering how to change the pattern, how to grab onto a spark and turn it into something real. If only I had a solid chunk of oak to feed the fire, so I could sit in the warmth of glowing coals.
I was standing by a cornfield, waiting to see if I could get a good shot of the geese coming and going from one of their favorite hangouts. Suddenly, the thrashing sound of wings and honks startled me and the sky filled with fleeing feathers.
I looked around, wondering if there was something I should flee from also, when I saw the cause of panic --- a man walking through the field with two loose dogs, who were quite enjoying the ruckus they had raised.
The same dogs sporadically run through my brain. Their names are Self-doubt and Start-tomorrow. They are bad dogs, in need of intense obedience training.
The solution, I suppose, is discipline, but I hate that word. Stick-to-it-ness is more palatable. Or perseverance. Yes, that's it -- perseverance.
Perseverance, thoughts
Reader Comments (21)
Today I read an article all about how to get more discplined, or rather how to better stick-to-it, Maery. The whole idea was to choose a chunk of time (1 or 2 hours) everyday or at least 5 days a week and do for that period of time what you wish to accomplish.
It looked quite simple and the routine invloved pleased me, for some reason.. Do you think it could be something helpful for you?
Good luck :-)
What an amazing photo. My mind also operates quite a lot like that - though perhaps more of my thoughts fly adrift thatn form the pattern. I think I have three dogs, Self-Doubt, Start Tomorrow and Sabotague.
I like Anyes idea of starting with a finite chunk of time, and building from there.
I love the analogy that you extrapolated from that wonderful photo and will keep it in mind.
I am the same Maery and Soosie, with the same dogs, but I used to accomplish far more than I do now and with confidence. Could this be a new discovery - The Older Woman Syndrome? Could also be called the OWS to signify the discomforts, aches and pains that can go with the physical age!
Wonderful image for such heartfelt words. I love this true sense of how it is at times. I always loved Edisson's phrase about the way he learned 1000 ways how not to make a light bulb, isn't it like that most days? I sense such a strong spirit in you and you already have the perseverance, it's just written all over this piece. Nice to meet you Maery:~))
Aaaah...I think we can all relate to self-doubt and start-tomorrow. I have a few of those dogs living inside me ...as well. And - I like to think the solution is simply practice...and - of course - showing up.
Such a wonderful metaphorical post!
Do birds that flock together stay together, I wonder, Maery? :) By the sound of the comments thus far, we're a flock full of women who understand exactly what you've written here. In reference to what Sheila wrote, I have heard that once you retire you become more disorganized. It's true! Or maybe we understand better what's important and what's not? Still trying to figure it out...with perseverance! Gotta love your image and post!
I'm right there with you. Those same old dogs stop by my house quite frequently. Boy they get around, don't they! And, OWS. I've got that too! It seems to take me longer to get things done these days. I'm easily distracted and, yes, disorganized.
You hit the nail on the head with this post, Maery! Perfect analogy. Perfect image.
Maery, I also find myself in this parable which I really like. Perhaps the older we are, the more we expect from ourselves and finally want to bring our pack of dogs into line. I personally like the advise to find a fixed time several times a week and use it the way I want but it's never worked for me. I think now that what works for me much better is improvisation - there are moments one can snatch and use, there are ideas one can jot down and come back to them later. Such notes might lead somewhere like single beads create a necklace together.
Anyes - I'm reading a book right now about writing a book that says something similar, only the author recommends just setting ten minutes a day and set the time too. So 8:00 is my start to write time. I at least do the ten minutes and sometimes it goes longer. "Habit" might be as important as perseverance.
Soosie - Sabotage is definitely one of my issues too. It comes in the form of over-scheduling, a bad habit of mine.
Sheila - I think it is part of being older and having other things always interrupting a goal or plan. You start to think things are impossible from the past pattern. It is also as you say, I seem to be "slower" than I used to be and can't accomplish as much in a day. Perhaps work smarter?
Catherine - Thank you so much. I'll take your words, which lift me up this morning, and walk with them into my day.
Marcie - Practice and showing up is so evident in how you approach life. You are an excellent teacher of these qualities.
Ginnie - I do appreciate my flock of like minded women! They are like the lead geese who take on the biggest brunt of the wind for others to draft behind.
Sue - As I said in my comment to Soosie, I do think the additional aches and tiring more easily plays a part. It means changing my priorities a bit and dropping the less important stuff, which is tough because it all seems important.
Petra - I like your analogy. Small moments and steps do come together to create what we are looking for. It's important to remember it doesn't have to be a grand gesture. Little things build a life.
And all this time I thought I had a bad case of ADD! Whew! Glad to now know it's called OWS! Oh, how I can so relate to this post. My problem is I have so many things I want to accomplish and I end up most of the time with nothing. Well more than nothing, but just not as much as I'd like. I often look back and wonder how the heck I accomplished so much in my corporate life because now I feel like I'd be a total failure. But I do try to offset the time I beat myself up with hey...you paid your dues...just go with it! Maery, you know I love your writing style and this post is clearly at the top of my list of favorites! The dog analogy is just perfect! Fabulous!
I know I have said this so many times already ... but what an awesome "flock" of women here! I love the way we hold and encourage each other, relate to lives that are thousands of miles apart but understand instantly, offering advice and insight. Maery Rose, besides giving us this unbelievable image, you have started a very interesting conversation and the comments so far are all I could expect.
Those pups hang around my house too, I try not to feed them, and the OWS is wanting to move in! It's one big challenge, to say the least, and I wish us all luck and good grace to just be the best we can be. :))
This post and all the comments is probably one of the most entertaining I have ever read here and V&V!
Now I can see myself as the dog walker, taking on everyone's critters and going out for a walk and then not letting go of them or setting them free. Maery you really hit on something that afflicts all of us, and oh, how there is comfort in knowing we all fight it.
I recently participated in an online group that was set up to simply encourage one another in our creative pursuits. The best "advice" that came from it are two simple words....Start Here.
Yes! Perseverance coupled with passion!
An amazingly well-written post - laying bare the doubts that we all suffer from. Perhaps we could pool our resources to pay for obedience training for those dogs. Here's to perseverance.
Oh, this sounds so familiar! I like Anyes' approach. I've tried to make a "schedule" of some kind for myself and found it doesn't really work for me. However, I do know that my best time are mornings, so I try to be in my studio for at least two hours and work on something - and usually I find myself immersed in something creative which is beautiful. So it's more like Marcie said - practice and showing up. For my scattered ideas that come and leave again I have started to carry a small journal with me where I capture those ideas.
And also... forgiveness. I decided this year to let more things go, to sit back and enjoy the ride a little and not force myself to feel all the things in your post that I spent the past few years feeling. Was it a complete success? No. But it did help. Love your post, and love your photo... maybe you just need to keep a few treats in your pocket for those dogs.... ;-)
Discipline is a dry and hard word but it is what will get us through. But I like stick-to-it as well!
"Their names are Self-doubt and Start-tomorrow. They are bad dogs, in need of intense obedience training"
I like that very much.
Self-doubt is a very bad dog indeed... except when he is barking up the right tree... which happens occasionally. That's what makes him such a difficult dog to deal with, because he is occasionally right. How to know when?
this is so good...the picture and your words, which are so true and apply to me 100%
Robin - Total failure! Those are certainly not words I would ever think of in relationship to you. I think your photography and the journey you are on are amazing.
Susan and Deborah - Your comments warmed me up (which is a very good thing because it's a bit chilly in my cubicle). You are so right about the awesome flock that has gathered here.
Elena - I think of perseverance and passion as a tag team. When one wanes, the other can kick in.
Brenda - Thank you. Yes, a trainer, armed with a clicker and treats, would be good.
Carola - I agree in trying different things until you find the one that works for you. If I didn't have to work, morning would be the best time for me to write. Instead, I have to discipline myself to write at noon and after work. I did try getting up at 4:30 AM to write before work but Agh! That was too painful!
Kelly - Yes, when Brenda mentioned a trainer, I was all about the treats! From what I've seen of your writing and photography, whatever you are doing is working very well for you.
Puna - Yes indeed!
Don - I've pondered that too, more so in trying to build a career than in my creative endeavors though. I don't think I was ever cut out for the power suit group...
Eliza - Thank you so much!
Thanks to all of you for your comments. Your collective energy has been good medicine.
Perseverance, yes I like that. I can relate to your flock of thoughts and I love your image.