Sometimes I have a feeling that my life is not in my hands. I have to do what other person wants me to do, I have to wait for someone to make a step in order to make my step, I have to listen even if I don't want to... Sometimes I feel like I've been pushed from one corner to another and sometimes I hear things about me that I don't recognize or believe they are true. How strange...
I wish my 'flow' of life would be smoother. I would like to be carefree, enjoying in the moment, letting go - not holding to the people and situations that get on my way. Sometimes I wonder who puts all those rocks and stones into my stream of life. Do I do it myself? Or are they there - it's just that I need to find a way to pass them by, without any bruises? Or this is how it is supposed to be - a rocky stream with all those waterfalls and rapids??
I don't need strong impulses and adrenaline to get me excited and to love life. I prefer calm flow, near beautiful scenery, with people who choose what they love about my river of life.
But the last few months my river was everything else but calm.
It feels like people are (ab)using it for their own selfish reasons - digging into it, throwing rocks in it whenever and wherever they want, forcing the river to change a direction... without any planning, strategy, without looking at the whole picture, its potentials, and then decide what this river really is about and what it needs.
Strange, as I thought life gets smoother over the years. But today I feel like I'm trying to find a new stream for my life.
I'm tired from the fight to stay calm and in the stream. I want to let go and flood my waters over the borders to set them free. But I don't have a heart to cause the people pain. What to do, what to do? After all, this is my river of life, my life...
What do you do with your river of life? How do you handle it?