the quiet life
July 24, 2012 * * * * * Posted by: Kelly 
I feel so boring lately.
I go from work to my garden and back again. In between, I read.
Boring, perhaps, but never bored.
Time ticks away ever faster, and there is never enough. So many things to see, to read, to absorb, to write, to hear, to embrace. So much light to grow toward.
I steal moments here and there. Watching flowers open and ants climb hills of their own making. Reading books that make me cry or open my eyes and my heart to new things. Playing songs that take me back to times and places long gone.
There is a lot of solitude in my life. I wish I were better at being social. That's the one thing I would change about myself if I could. But, no regrets. I am who I am. It took me a long time to accept this fact. That's one of the best things about getting older. You accept more, including yourself.
I am, at heart, a hermit. I need my space. Which is funny because I live in a tiny, cozy little house. But outside my door, it's wide open. Which is why you will find me out there whenever possible...
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I started this post early last week, and then busy-ness got in the way, and I made plans to finish it over the weekend. Before the tragedy in Aurora.
But in coming back to complete what I had started, I found that I had little more to say. I suddenly found myself incredibly grateful for my boring life. Humbled by the fragility of it all. Scared and scarred and filled with questions. Questions that will never be answered.
Everything that goes on around us colors our life. Even as we move forward, we are altered, however slightly, by what we see and hear in the world. Some days, that alone is enough to make me want to bury my head in the sand.
And yet, I know that is not the answer. And like Anne Frank, I continue to believe that people are really good at heart. At least, I want to continue believing that. And so, I cling to hope the way a child will cling to a teddy bear. For comfort and distraction, as both a shield and a bit of softness in a very hard world.
And I hope, against hope, that hope is the one thing in my quiet life I shall never outgrow.
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Sending love and light to all the victims and those whose lives they touched.
Reader Comments (13)
Like you - I am grateful each and every day for the quiet solitude in my life. Boring..but never bored. Alone..but never lonely. And - like you - the sad horror of what happened in Aurora has left me speechless....holding on to the hope and belief that at their core all people are good.
Then - how and why do things like this happen??? A question we'll never have answers to...
It's funny, Kelly, but Astrid's co-workers often ask her what I do all day long...and aren't I bored to death! Like you and Marcie, the quiet, solitary hours of my days totally fill me up and energize me for the times we're out-n-about. I can't imagine any other life, to be honest, so I can definitely relate.
When these tragic events happen...Aurora now and Oslo last year...I think we all grow numb and speechless. We really DON'T have answers, do we. In my lifetime I have experienced my own moments of "snapping," even if not in the same way. Maybe on some levels we all can relate to the dark side of ourselves that does emotional, if not physical damage to ourselves and others. God have mercy on us all as we attempt to live in this kind of world...of which we are a part!
Oh, Kelly, you said this so beautifully. My heart is breaking and my mind is reeling in a way that makes me struggle with understanding the part of people being really good at heart. It all just makes my hermit feelings even stronger. I envy you your solitude, your garden and your space ~ hang on to your hope, knowing that you have some helps me.
Kelly, a beautiful post!
this notion of time seems to be a chord that binds us all at this "time" of our lives. remember when we believed there was an infinite amount of it?
the image and the gentleness of the words evoke a quiet that seems something each of us appreciate. thank you, kelly, for your turns of phrases that soothe.
Over the years, I've come to believe that each of us is by nature neither good nor evil, but a mixture of both. How we're nurtured as children, the experiences we have, the disciplines we experience, first from parents and eventually by life, help to shape us into people who tend toward one pole or another.
The practical consequence is that even the best among us occasionally exhibit some "interesting" behavior, and even the worst still contain a spark of goodness. It also means we're fooling ourselves if we insist on dividing people into "good us" and "bad them"!
The boring and the ordinary...they are, as you so eloquently wrote, the things of life. And solitude, sweet solitude. I can very much relate to this post. Beautiful image too. I just needed these thoughts this morning. Thank you.
What a beautiful and perfect image for your precious post!
Sometimes we simply have to stop, pause, and breathe in order to make sense out of 'life.' Your calm and peaceful image, your gentle thoughts and words help me to do just that. Thank you....
Just like you, Kelly, I think I have a boring life - but never bored. I'm not the social butterfly and I'm perfectly happy with my very own company. I cherish my quiet life. Time spent in the garden is much more important to me than a party. I enjoy good conversation and truly shared laughter, my few, but good friends. I feel incredibly blessed by it.
You wrote such a beautiful post, Kelly, and your image is truly wonderful.
A beautiful post with a beautiful dreamy picture. Thank you
Your days and your thoughts chime, they reflect my own...
Hugs to you all, hugs to us all. xoxo