A Budding Bloom
July 25, 2012 * * * * * Posted by: Maery 
"We have this mistaken idea that either we have regret or we get rid of it. Trungpa Rinpoche talked about holding the sadness of life in our heart while never forgetting the beauty of the world and the goodness of being alive. There comes a time when we are able to be pierced to the heart by our own suffering, and the suffering of others, and by our own regrets, without it dragging us down."
-- Pema Chödron, "Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears"
"Live in the moment" I tell myself. It's what I keep reading in books, articles and blogs. What I hear in these words "live in the moment" is that I should be in a constant state of bliss and appreciation for the beauty that can always be found if you look and are open to seeing.
Imagine my feelings of failure when I realize that what I feel is sad and tired.
I dig, and I do, and I pray, and I run away from the feelings I take to be negative or painful. Anything that makes me less than a "fun" person to be around must go.
But my attempts to quickly find relief from pain has come with a price -- exhaustion, the need to continually buy things or eat too much, and a big fall when I return back to the feeling I tried to escape, realizing that nothing has changed in a meaningful way. I’m right back to that which I was trying to escape, only usually I’ve dug myself an even deeper hole.
Thank goodness I have run into some books lately by authors who are not offering solutions for removing my pain, but instead encourage me to abide, relax, and open myself up to these less than pleasant feelings. It’s a little more complex than what I can explain here, but what I’m getting out of these books is that being present and living in the moment means also being present to the pain. If I quit running, stay still for a moment and breathe my way through it, I find the feeling of being overwhelmed passes and that I do not die.
"Yes!" I say with hope as I read along, “this makes sense to me.”
I don't have to be dragged down because I haven't been able to completely rid myself of the past and its effects. Those are the things that provide me with insight, wisdom, and compassion. Nor do I have to feel bad that I am not perfect about any of this. I have the rest of my life to practice and improve.
Reader Comments (18)
Yes..yes. It's the art and practice of learning to sit in the discomfort..to just 'be'. Knowing that it'll change...but accepting it as it is. Pema Chodron is so inspiring!!!
And - there's always the knowing that 'this too...shall pass'!!!
It sounds like you're "on the right track," Maery, in your new books, staring down the tiger instead of running away. i pray for you to find relief soon...and that light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, may the budding bloom guide you.
Marcie and Ginnie - Thanks for your comments. Yes, I do like Chodron! And am finding peace in not having expectations of feeling a certain way but simply realizing that things change and rolling with it.
you have written eloquently about what i believe is the foundation of mental health. feeling the feelings prior to letting them go creates a space to experience joy...as you wrote. all i can say to this is, "yes!"
from my 61-year-old perch, and the current recipient of a stream of quick fix suggestions, i am wondering if social networks, texting, emailing, and even the brevity of a VMX have eroded the importance of listening.
in reading this, all i can say is, "thank you for reminding me of these thoughts." i loved your post.
It's been one of the most important learnings of my life. "Live in the moment" is extraordinary wisdom, but not every moment is happy or joyful, exciting or filled with a sense of possibility. There are "moments" of regret, sadness, pain and anger. Accepting them, too, as a part of life is, for me, the best part of wisdom.
Years ago I was part of a congregation whose pastor tired beyond words of the usual benediction: "Go in peace, serve the Lord". He pondered and pondered and finally found a benediction he thought fit the church's theology far better: "The past is forgiven, the future is open". It was wonderful, and made the church service a kind of "hinge" between past and future - an affirmation of the present, of living unburdened in the moment!
In my life the most important things I've learned have come from good books finding me at the right time. And remembering that the world and us in it are constantly changing, it's important to experience all our emotions, joyful & sad. I love your complex way of being and the thought that you put into living your life.
And I love that we are all here to listen, to encourage, to help each other along ~ you hang in there, pay attention to all those feelings and just breathe thru it,
there's alot to be learned from all this.
I love posts that connect me deeply to the person writing and the ones filled with raw, messy, ever changing feelings seem to open me most. Thanks for sharing your process & practice. So many blogs and books are filled with a polly anna bias and it's not real. I find it so refreshing to read and accept the stuff in between the positive life we strive for <3
I admire the heartfelt, open honesty of this post, Maery. And I can sense the overwhelming virtual 'hugs' of support from the Vision and Verb community.
If you have not already done so, you might want to sign up for an email subscription to Pema Chödron's 'weekly inspirational quotes --http://www.shambhala.com/blog/category/pema-chodron
Oh, Maery. This is one of the hardest things for me...to be with my own pain. I'm so much better at masking and distracting. You're right, tho, it takes a toll. Blessings.
Thank you all for your comments. What a great way to be lifted up -- by your support and positive words.
Running away is so easy, but it really doesn't help you in the long run. I aplaud you for "living in the moment", facing your pain, living through it. It is so hard - but it will make you stronger, I'm sure. I'm hoping for you that you'll find relief soon.
We keep on going on...thank you for your words of encouragement!
Big hugs to you as you conquer your days!
An absolutely sublime image Maery; I love the depth of saturation and the feel of it. I can't tell you how many times Pema Chodrin has saved my life!
Being in the moment has nothing to do with feeling blissful...it's about being present with "what is"...the junk and the joy and everything in between. There's another great teaching first brought forth by her teacher, Chogyma Trungpa Rinpoche. The practice is one he created , in Tibetan, maitri; unconditional loving kindness to one self. Pema will be your friend for life ;-)
A virtual hug from me. Good post
A lovely post, I think those books are the key to helping you put the pain in a compartment. Allowing you to feel more content and less exhausted.
I have been feeling this lately everywhere I go on the internet... that somehow, the notion of sadness is being shoved under the carpet. Sadness and happiness are both part of life. We need them both to create the whole. We cannot recognize one without the other.
We can honor both happiness and sadness, both as the honest emotions they are. We can allow ourselves to feel whatever it is that we feel. This is what makes up a full life.
Sending hugs to you.
So Maery, I'm coming to this post months after you've written it, but can you share what the books are that you referred to here? Thank you.