A voyage of discovery...
September 30, 2012 * * * * * Posted by: Soosie 
Who am I?
This a question I have been considering for some time, and some of the things I was considering came into focus as I was preparing my biography for use here at Vision and Verb. It occurred to me that the words that most readily come to mind/mouth/fingertips about ourselves in fact describe our relationships with others, such as partner, lover, carer, friend and so on. These descriptions are not wrong precisely, they just feel incomplete. Am I the same person in all of these relationships? Well, no. Does this mean that some of them are false? I hope not. So I started to think about the me who underpins my relationships with other people. Essentially the me who lives alone deep in my head and heart. The pieces of me that always exist regardless of my relationships with other people.
I am an Australian, but not always a proud one. Our current legislation relating to asylum seekers and same sex marriages makes me ashamed and angry in equal measure.
I am passionately committed to social justice. This leads me to both despair and to rejoice. Interestingly the despair often stems from the actions (or inactivity) of large groups like employers, companies, some religions, some countries. I rejoice more often at the actions of individuals or smaller groups. I do what I can to promote and further social justice, and regret that I cannot do more.
I appreciate beauty in its myriad forms regardless of whether it is man-made or natural.
I am an eclectic reader, an obsessive gardener and a thinker.
I am insatiably curious about a very wide range of things.
I am endlessly fascinated by people, but don't always like them.
I am an introvert.
I laugh a lot, and often at myself.
I am an optimistic pessimist, in that I hope for the best while expecting (and preparing for) the worst.
I love cats, domestic and otherwise. I almost always share my life with at least one cat. I also love birds and encourage their presence in my yard. The cats spend very little time outside and the birds are safe from them.
I try and live my life ethically.
And no, I am not a goody two shoes. Are you familiar with the story of the two wolves constantly fighting within us? One of them is kind and generous and the other full of hate and spite. Which one wins? The one that is fed. I do try and only feed the good wolf, but have to admit to some slip ups. More often than I would like.
My list of the things that define me isn't a very long list. What else can I do? Am I a poet, a writer, a photographer? I don't know. Other people's belief in me is much stronger than my own, and I haven't properly explored what I can do. Which is sad and wrong. I know that for far too many years I have put caring for myself towards the back of the queue. What opportunities to develop and better express myself have I let slip? Can they be retrieved? I hope so. I really hope so.
What about you? Who do you care for first, and are you as kind to yourself as you are to others?
And, on an entirely different note thank you Ginnie and thank you Marcie for inviting me to join this group of talented collaborators. And a big thank you to all of you who were so kind and welcoming when my guest post appeared.
Self Discovery
Reader Comments (22)
Keep caring for yourself and the things around you, Soosie. In the end, if you don't care for yourself, you won't be able to look after for those people and things that you care about. Don't look back with regrets, and don't look forward with anxiety. Que sera, sera!
It's amazing how we allow our 'self-talk' and 'self-limiting beliefs' about ourselves to define us. I think/hope that one of the advantages to being of this certainly uncertain age - as we all are - is that we might discover more and more truths about ourselves.
And - the thanks goes out to YOU for joining us here!!!
What a perfectly wonderful introduction of yourself to us, Soosie! And...a big welcome to Vision and Verb. We're delighted you have joined us.
I just have to wonder how many of us would call ourselves an 'introvert.' I feel that I am; as a matter of fact I just shared this article on Facebook yesterday - http://elibishop.com/2011/07/27/10-myths-about-introverts/ LOL
And, I was right there with you when you said "I am endlessly fascinated by people, but don't always like them." - if we're being honest! ;)
Hmmmm...sounds like we might have a lot in common!
First of all, Sue/Soosie/Elephant's Child, I'm so glad you have joined us...just the way you are. I have a feeling you have as many names as the different hats you wear. WELCOME.
You have raised some good questions by describing to us who you are. It's probably a good exercise for all of us to tackle. My guess is most of us put others before ourselves...which seems to be what was modeled by our own mothers and then passed on in the mothering of our own children by those of us who have them. Once the nest is empty, it appears we all scratch our heads and ask lots of questions to sort ourselves out.
I love it. You've really helped me put on my own thinking cap today! :)
i believe that young mothers simply live a life that revolves around others, and by the time children are grown and gone, the query about who's first, is a stunner. we just haven't been thinking about ourselves as we did in adolescence when, speaking for myself :-), i only thought of myself. perhaps, this "me" stage relates to chronology as much as it does to anything else.
at least, that is how it is for me.
there is actually time to think....really think....i do think about myself first...sometimes, and that is a change from "never!"
wonderful post to start a day. thank you.
Soosie - welcome! It IS revealing to write a bio, isn't it? To be concise about who it is we are....gives one pause. You will bring a lot to the table, I'm sure and look forward to reading/seeing more. Why the black swan, I wonder......
I love the analogy of the two wolves. I think there is good and bad in everyone. Good people have to work hard at being good, but it is worth it.
My reading is rather eclectic too.
I do love the image of the two wolves - I've not heard it before. It reminds me of something I've always cherished about Luther's thought. His point was that we're all a combination of saint and sinner, so trying to divide people into groups - saints here, sinners over there - is just plain silly. Oh - and I just saw Cherry Pie's comment, making the same point a bit differently.
I love the photo of the black swan. There's one that shows up now and then in a marina where I work. No one has a clue where it comes from, but it's been around for perhaps three years now, so it's learned to cope with our winter and obviously has a food source. They're beautiful birds.
Thank you one and all. I am more than touched at the warmth which with I have been greeted. Barbara wondered why the black swan? I suppose I chose it for three reasons. It is Australian. It is beautiful. And it looks so serene floating on the water - and yet under the water and unseen its little legs are going hell for leather to get it where it wants to go.
Soosie,
Welcome to Vision and Verb!
I enjoyed reading your bio, all the questions you raised and how they made me think about who I am as well. One of my favorite books is "Women Who Run With Wolves", by Estes. When you mentioned the wolves in all of us it made me think of her work.
WELCOME SOOSIE!!!!! Just love your introduction!
I'm not sure if my original comments came through...but I wanted to add:
"You don't even know how much I can relate to the info in your "bio.." Now between voluntary work, gardening, walking, swimming, reading, bird watching and playing in the blogosphere I have no spare capacity or inclinations towards paid employment. It took me a while to realise that though, as I had developed the habit of defining who I was by what I did". It has taken me YEARS...but I'm slowly getting it! So great to have you!
I can relate to so much of what you've said here. The thing I've come to realize about defining myself is that the definition is always changing and evolving. Learning that that is a good thing has been a slow to learn lesson for me. Trying things on is so much fun!
It is nice to read all about a fellow member and a fellow introvert, being a very proud one myself ~ What a very good fit you are here!
Dear Soosie--or EC as I've known you! Thank you for introducing yourself as you are and as you try to be within your heart and soul and spirit. That is, thank you for sharing your essence. It is, I think what goes into all your relationships and becomes central to them. That essence is why those of us who read your postings and look at your photographs respond so whole-heartedly.
As I read your heart's wishes or desires as posted here I thought, "It's no wonder we follow one another's blogs and enjoy and respect one another so much. We're a lot alike!" Like you, I have a passion for justice and yet as I've aged I've done less and less to help bring about justice in my world. I am going to be doing some phone calling to support President Obama during the month of October, but that's not much. And yet it is what my energy today permits me to do. And so I must be content with myself and be gracious to myself as I shepherd my dreams.
I trust in you and know from your postings that you are open to the possibilities for growth in the human spirit that come to you daily. And that is all we can ask of ourselves. That we be open to possibility. Peace.
Welcome Soosie! My first reaction when seeing your post was HA!! a Black Swan as these for me are "normal" swans, not the white ones they have here in the US! It was a lovely vision of 'home'!
Thanks for sharing your bio and putting yourself out there. I too like the analogy of the wolf. It's often too easy to feed the wrong beast indeed.
Soosie, I love what you write about yourself. I had to laugh when you wrote about those two wolves, they are here as well! And the not so nice one sometimes is overwhelmingly dominant.
Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Especially when you have been at the end of the line of being looked after for such a long time.
A big welcome to you Soosie here in the Vision and Verb family, it is nice to get to know you a bit better in this post. I love how you describe the two wolves within us and that the winning one was the one we feed...very interesting :-)
We have much in common... I could relate to everything you said, and much of what you said are things I have been thinking about myself a lot lately.
So glad to have you as part of our group!
EC, thank you for making me think about this. There has been some change in my life recently, and I'm afraid I'm not being very good with it. The questions you raise here are food for thought, and give me a new way of looking at things.
Soosie, welcome! Exquisite image! Beautiful honesty....who are you? You are a seeker in the truest sense of the word.
And again, to all of you, many thanks. The warmth of my welcome here at Vision and Verb means a great deal to me.